A New Year

Happy New year!
   I always think people make a huge deal about the "new year," like somehow this year will be the answer to all of life's big problems. As if it is going to solve everything and finally they will be happy and enjoy their life.
   I find this interesting, reflection is good don't get me wrong! I just find it sadly cultural that we tend to line out all the things we didn't do that great and then decide January first that we need to set ourselves up for being happy by getting organized, drinking less and getting a gym membership.
   Resolution by definition means "a firm decision to do or not to do something; decision, determination, resolve, solution."
   I actually think regularly making a firm decision to change something that's not working for you is a great idea- but what is behind it? It seems to me we often make these decisions because our year wasn't as great as we'd hoped and so THIS year is going to be GREAT, BECAUSE I'm changing it all.
   The one things I don't think I've ever seen on a new years resolution is "To change my attitude" or "to choose not to be offended by anything" or "to choose joy NO MATTER the circumstance" "to give unconditionally and love unconditionally" but each of these would root out the bitterness and negativity or self deprecation and replace it with a good attitude, a happy heart, and person that is so wonderfully whole and complete that people flock to them, want to be around them and want what they have. But what they have can be anyone's if we would only choose it!
   If we first chose to change our attitude we would come to find that we naturally WANT to get in better shape and when we see ourselves the way God sees us the gym membership is not for looks or our own skewed view of wanting to fit in- it's because we want to be healthy! We want to treat our body like a temple of the Holy Spirit and take caution to what we allow in it; making sure to keep in good shape for longevity and the ability to sustain a busy and consistently active life in blessing and serving our family and others. Fitness becomes exciting because we see how God made us to function and fall in love with the endorphin rush! It frees our mind from guilt and gives energy that surges throughout the rest of the day. Fitness is an incredible goal- but not because someone judged you- because God made your body to do incredible things and once you decide and know that- then you can really soar getting in shape and finding an activity you're crazy about!
   When we look around at the chaos in our life and decide we need to get more organized- it takes action to take control of our home and rearrange it. We have to commit to small daily activities that will change small things but eventually our habits will form and we will naturally reorganize things until we find a working function for our life. An example from my own life; when we were first married we moved into a nice three bedroom house. I had NO idea how to keep that HUGE house clean! It was so difficult to find a rhythm and seemed to me that it took all day just to get one thing done. Now, after each addition of a new child I have actually become much more efficient at keeping my home clean and organized and am actually the most organized now than ever! It seems backwards, because we all know i have NO time now- but had all the time in the day before Lucy was born. But now my life requires a bit of routine and so slowly the new habits began to form as i changed my attitude and forced myself to do more chores regularly until my natural instinct is now to be actively doing something all the time. Not that it's healthy to be a Martha- especially not replacing Jesus, spouse, or children! But it is necessary, as in Proverbs 31 to be a wife of noble character, to  find a way to get all of our chores done and spend quality time with each member of our family! It is possible, just choose to do one extra thing each day- write out a calendar you can see and check off the days you've done the assigned chores, that way you can see that you're getting better! Also, listen to something inspiring while doing your chores, a sermon, an inspirational book on CD or audio, something that is positive and uplifting. If you are a stay at home mom, your home is your ministry so accept your failures and find simple solutions for them; for example I LOVE the kids toys to be organized but some days they get out EVERY toy and it would take me hours to put them away where i like- so i have a toy cube wall with colored baskets and the kids and I just put them away in the baskets and slide them into their slots- that way the toys are put away but also look nice and organized even when they are not. I also sometimes take toys out if they're getting overwhelming and rotate them back in another time.
   Ladies, I do want to touch on something I hear from women and even men a lot. Often when we have kids we start wearing sweats all the time and not showering till late, not wearing makeup, and "letting ourselves go." I remember before Bryce and I got married this was his biggest concern with me, that i would have children and just get frumpy like most moms. I hear women say all the time that they don't know why their husband isn't interested in them after a few years- but honestly I wonder what they have tried. Men are visual, they want to look at you and be instantly amazed at your beauty- but it's quite difficult when we take no care for ourselves or their feelings. I think this puts a large rift in the marriage because a man cannot find a way to ask for this to change, and the wife is so sensitive she gets hurt and angry if he does find a way.
We have always tried to keep communication open and gentle enough that if a suggestion was made this way we could gracefully listen and try to change it. We are committed to the same person for our whole life- but if we wish to maintain the same level of excitement, attraction, and desire that our husbands seek after our hearts to win them every day, we REALLY need to step up our game! He needs to KNOW we love him, we need to BE captivating! He can't continually be visually captivated by a woman in sweats and an oversized t shirt without even clean hair- we really cannot expect a man to "love us as we are" if we cannot love ourselves enough to see the importance of taking care of ourselves.
   Is this making sense? By no means am I trying to place the importance solely on our looks, I do not believe this and I certainly don't think it is what makes us beautiful. It is honor for him, self respect, joy and kindness all wrapped up in keeping ourselves a beautiful package for him to unwrap. Aiding in keeping our husbands eyes solely on US not on the women of our culture who are taught to flaunt it all and virtually be naked on commercials and billboards. If we want our men to focus on us and struggle LESS in this area we need to accept the responsibility to step it up and take care of our bodies- exercise, eat right, get dressed up sometimes, be excited and happy and all those things he fell in love with. You can have his attention back- you just have to get to working for it! We cannot choose how they act toward us, or what they say if they need us to try a little harder, but we can control how we react and make a "resolution" to step it up and be the best we can because our spouses deserve it. Sometimes, with a brand new baby, this meant i got dressed and put makeup on and nice clothes five minutes before he walked in the door- but still it was done :).
   I hope you are encouraged and hear my heart, we are all heavenly created and beautiful, we have the power to change our WHOLE year just by changing out attitude about it and becoming determined to have a joyful attitude through every rough spot we hit this year- because we all know every year has them!
 
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deut. 31:6
 

The only way through is THROUGH

"Lord i have seen your goodness and i know the way you are Give me eyes to seek you in the dark And your face shines a glory that i only know in part and there is still a longing, a longing in my heart You revive me, You revive me Lord And all my deserts are rivers of joy You are the treasure I could not afford So I'll spend myself till i'm empty and poor All for you, you revive me Lord" -Christy Nockels, "You revive me" Is it easy to celebrate the goodness of God during difficult times? So many times we feel this is the furthest we are from Jesus, the furthest from His heart. How can this be as Jesus MOURNS? He feels our suffering and felt His own in our place in a human way. He knows what we will go through ahead of time and He feels our pain. Our little family has been hit HARD by the enemy lately, we lost our beloved friend and pet Flex, within days our house flooded and we uncovered mold under our carpet; ruining the carpet and forcing out our process of repair longer. It has been an exhausting month of December for us needless to say! We are thankful we found the mold, we are thankful that we had our puppy for three years, we are all healthy and happy. Sometimes it just seems the enemy just pushes and pushes and pushes until you think you cannot stand another minute in the furnace. The other day we had a sort of "family meeting" and as we sat down talking about dreams and goals and how we are pushing past barriers and dream stealers and my father in law said something that hit me to the heart from Jesus himself. He said, "I'm just really sad about what you guys are about to go through" this being said after all of the flooding and such... This is so like Jesus, He KNOWS what it's going to be like pushing on to our goals and living a life worthy of the calling that we have received. He FEELS our pain before we even know what's coming! "All my deserts are rivers of joy" This is my lesson right now, because I often lack joy when I get hit hard. I so badly want to be a Proverbs 31 woman in every way for my family, I want them to always see me laughing at the days to come! Because NO MATTER WHAT WE FACE WE NEED TO FACE IT WITH JOY! Joy of the Lord because each struggle, each pain, each difficult time will bring us closer to Jesus if we walk through it with JOY! This life is a vapor, it is so short- we need to choose joy because the Lord CAN DO SOMETHING WITH JOY! He wants to use us, He wants us to choose the supernatural joy that does not even fit the situation. Why am I happy about where we are in life? Because Jesus is leading my path and I am confident that it is moving forward and it makes me SO joyful beyond words that He sees me worthy of going through these trials! BRING IT ON! I'm going to be effective with my life, I'm going to be joyful when life chucks full on Bull crap at my face and I am going to show my children that no matter what JESUS IS RISEN and He is WORTH it! He went through much worse and He is worth much worse. Christians often say "don't ask for patience or God will strike you with lightening" I think that is total bull, He just allows you to go through things that will develop your patience! I WANT to develop my patience, I NEED to! I'm being real with you guys. So you have an illness, so you have a disability, so you are a single parent, so you live in a tiny home, so you have barely enough to scrape by, so you are spending Christmas without your family.... SO WHAT. That does not allow you an excuse to whine, it certainly doesn't allow me that either! I have spent way too much time whining instead of PRAISING! Thank you Jesus that you saw my circumstance, you KNEW we could make it together you and I and you allowed me to walk through this difficult time and LEARN. Lord please let me learn through these trials and learn to walk through them better next time. I've really been thinking about this lately. We often say things like "it's so hard right now, I've just got to get through this then..." Then WHAT? Does it get easier? No, it just gets DIFFERENT. People often wait to have kids until the "timing is right" I'm totally all for a few years with your spouse, but waiting until you have the right income, the right saved, the right house, the right car, all the gadgets, that day DOES NOT COME! Just the same with everything else, stop thinking about how much better it will be later and see how GOOD IT IS NOW! Even when it's hard, there is GOOD! God is GOOD! Remember HOW He is good this season, what HAS He given you? What incredible lessons have these difficult trials taught you? If it's nothing I can guarantee you a repeat, because you have GOT to learn! Look around, you're not alone even when your head tells you that you are. It may be hard to see right now, but you are surrounded by love and beauty. Jesus made you! He made you with a purpose! You're still on this earth so there MUST be something for you to do and you MUST be important and loved! Trust me, this is not the pot calling the kettle black, I certainly know this is MY lesson to learn eternally as well. Lord allow me this season to see YOU, to teach YOU to my children, to thank YOU for the gift of your beautiful Son that saved a wretch like me. Thank you Jesus that I am fearfully an wonderfully made with an incredible purpose and Lord do not allow me to rest until I have pushed through trial after trial and reached the gold. Let my children see that I am NOT a quitter, I am gentle, kind, loving, selfless, that I love you above all and that I love and submit to their daddy second above all. Let them see that he is the rock of this family and Lord strengthen him when the world would try to make him weak. Allow our family to flourish financially so that we may bless those walking through money trials. Lord to you be the glory forever and ever and I pray Jesus that our lives would be a testament to thousands and that someday your voice would ring true to thousands through our mouths from the stage you have called us to speak from. Lord you reign forever and today you are Jesus THE SON OF GOD an we praise you, teach us to lay at your feet and be thankful for the trials we walk through each day because we know that the testing of our faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish it's work so that we may be whole and complete NOT LACKING ANYTHING! (emphasis mine, James 1:2) Merry Christmas to you and yours, know that your trials are blessings, walk through them knowing that God thought of you highly enough to keep you on this earth to walk THROUGH. The only way THROUGH IS THROUGH!

Blessings

Lately I've been spending time each day reading the updates of an incredible family facing serious tragedy back in Oregon. It has really made me refocus on the Lord each day and seek to find the importance and the gift in today. Are you a glass half empty kind of person? Boy i sure can be. I have been working very hard lately to change this about myself, i tend to analyze the negative before seeing the positive- making sure i see what worst could happen first and prepare for those results so that when i come through I'm not surprised and my whole person is in tact. This is so far outside the character of Jesus! Jesus was focused on RIGHT NOW with the goal of eternity for the children He so desperately loves. Certainly He stood up and stated the negative outcomes of foolish sin and behavior and called out people living these lifestyles, but His goals were to glorify His maker through His actions and bringing love and grace to those on earth. I don't feel as though my life honors Him as it could when i continually focus negatively. Today was just one of those days, you know what i mean! The two younger kids whined ALL DAY. It did NOT matter what it was they were whining and throwing fits and complaining and yelling and by bed time i wanted to THROW something through a window! But really, I am so blessed! My children are healthy and growing great, they are happy and loved, content and learning. They are adored and they know Jesus! What a gift they are to their daddy and I! Sometimes i get so overwhelmed by them i just cannot help it, but i try to remind myself that I am only human as well and my attitude makes all the difference. What we focus on expands, so I am going to focus on the blessings, just as this wonderful mother has done throughout watching her child fade away and go to join Jesus in heaven, because she is blessed, and I surely am as well.

Our friend Flex

I know this is way off track from my recent blogs, but as the scripture says, Matthew 12:34b For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The abundance of my heart right now is grief. It may sound silly to some of you facing much more serious loss, and I do understand ours was a pet not a person, but to us this pain is real. We have a good perspective on it, but unfortunately that cannot change our hurt. Many of you know that Bryce, my husband, became sick just months after our Lucy was born just after losing his job and insurance. During those three months of being in and out of the hospital Bryce had really began to feel defeated and was having a difficult time adjusting after he was home. He had been telling me for years that he'd wanted a Weimaraner and so I started to explore the option of getting him a puppy- to be his companion and to bring his spirits back up. This little boy was a blessings dropped into our lap, I'm sure of it! He was born to a beautiful mother that was intended to breed when she was older and so her puppies were purebred but unpapered thus making him thousands cheaper than Weims run. We went to see him when they were only a couple of weeks old in early May 2009 to see the little guy. Bryce was immediately attached to him, with ears to big for his body where he actually fell from stepping on them! He was one of the biggest puppies, as Bryce wanted a big dog. Over the next few weeks he would drive the two hours each way just to see him for an hour or so. He was hooked! This little puppy was his joy! He finally came home with us on June 12th at eight weeks old. Since then he has been the most incredible dog we've ever had (we love our Jesse, but he's more subdued). Bryce would take him virtually everywhere, they took drives together, went running, and he'd take him to Grandpa's Feed to get dog food and toys. Bryce bell trained him to ring with his nose when he needed to go outside (which got annoying since he'd ring it ANYTIME he wanted out!) Lucy has no memory of not having him in her life and often tried shutting him in her room to play. One of her first words was calling him "horsey" because he was so big! We went through many ups and downs with him because he became very sick a couple years ago and required immediate surgeries much like Bryce's. He would say that he and the dog were meant for each other, both healing from the same internal stuff. He always protected me and the girls when Bryce was on night shift or out of town, and he never let anyone near them in the yard. He had a very intimidating bark! When we decided to move here to Kansas, some of the pros we thought of were acres for him to run and play. So he rode in the main cab of the care with Jesse and the girls all the way here to Kansas. As soon as he saw that field he FREAKED! It was so beautiful to spend hours watching him run and play and explore 5 acres of land. He was a beautiful dog, shiny and happy, big and long, goofy and always always trying to scheme his way into your lap. He had a way of turning people into dog people and had a huge crush on my mom. For some reason every time she was over at our house he would not leave her alone! He kept following her and rubbing his head on her anywhere she went. I'm pretty sure she fell in love with him too :) Lucy and Brynlee were always dressing him up and riding him like a horse, to which he would just play along every time, he loved them. He loved them so much i know that at some point this will hit them and at least Lucy will understand the permanence and feel the pain of loss. Of course he did stuff to drive me nuts, but no matter what i loved him anyway and could never stay mad very long. We've been here almost three months and in the past couple of weeks he had been losing a lot of weight and drinking absurd amounts of water. The other day he began coughing up blood and just lay in the dirt, so Bryce loaded him up and took him to the Vet. The Vet immediately said it was serious at he was Forty pounds lighter than when we left Oregon. We knew, we just knew all day what this meant and that he wasn't coming home. It was a long day, but after the diagnosis of advanced Cushings and some other things as well- he needed to be put down and spared the pain. So i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and hugged his neck and told him how much i loved him, and he did what he's always done- whenever i cry he comes up to me and looks right into my eyes as if to say he knows how i feel and he's there for me. Then Bryce asked me to leave and held him as he passed away... I swear if God sends animals during a time when people need unconditional love and humor, than this dog was certainly sent by him. He helped me get Bryce back to himself again, he brought us love and comfort, and plenty of laughter. He was a gift we cannot be thankful enough for. We are desperately feeling his absence already, and so unsure how to move forward from here but we are grateful for the joy he brought us, and for being Bryce's companion. We had so many dreams that included him, he shouldn't have died for ten more years at least. What a difference a day makes.

Husbands... and respect

I began thinking about this blog soon after writing my last one "Your children become what you speak over them" and really felt the subject important to touch on. I am confident in the things the Lord has appointed me to do and I know that this is one of them- marriage. Speaking on it, writing about it, and living it. Did you know that husbands also can become what we speak to and over them as well? Of course that is a universal statement about any relationship parent or otherwise, but do we put it into action? I have often experimented with this in my marriage, somewhat unintentionally and what I can tell you is that YES it certainly matter what we speak over them. When Bryce worked at the jail for three years I could DEFINITELY see the difference in him and his day when i would wake up and pray the armor of God over him. The days that i didn't were difficult on him. How often do we skip praying over them to only beg and complain whenever they ARE home? I know from my own marriage and also from others that this happens quite often. To us it sounds like a request, like we've done all the chores so why is it such a big deal for him to take out the trash? More often than not this becomes a huge argument wherein you spend an hour fighting about what he does for the family in comparison to what you do which leaves you both exhausted, him feeling like a failure and guess who takes out the trash anyway? YOU. Guess who feels bitter that he didn't listen to you again, YOU. When talking to newly married or soon to be married friends i often try to remind them that the walls in marriage are really built slowly with tiny stones and over time you cannot figure out where they came from but there you are living separate lives. I've been fortunate enough to have recognized this in myself early on and Bryce and I work hard to make sure there are never walls coming up anywhere. But really, that one incident can become a huge fortified wall over time! Why is it so important to you? I can say for me, my love language is acts of service, so to me him not automatically seeing the need and jumping in to take care of it makes me feel like he doesn't see how hard i work or care that the load is a lot to bear at times. When really he's walking in the door thinking about how draining that job was and just wanting to relax, chances are he's not even SEEN the trash! I've realized that on days when I feel like i really need his help I just decide i'm going to change my attitude and encourage him instead of choosing bitterness or begging. Those are the days when our marriage is incredible and he sweeps in excited and happy, takes out the trash while i'm in the other room and just blows me away! What a gift a good attitude can be. Instead of running through why he's frustrated me all day through my mind, i think about what a gift he is, what he sacrifices for me each day and how desperately he must want quality time with his family to recharge. I become determined to make that for him and more often than not I am the one who receives the blessing of that attitude shift even more than him! My heart changes to that of the Lord and i can see from his perspective what a gift my husband is. The point i'm trying to drive home is this: are you grateful for your husband? Do you spend time telling others all the terrible things he does not do or how lazy he is? Have you tried to ONLY speak positively about him? Men receive love by respect, and gossiping about your husband is the absolute slap in the face in disrespect. How can we expect our needs to be met when we have not even tried to be a "help meet" and spoken poorly of him to others? A good wife NEVER reveals her husbands weaknesses to ANYONE. I used to struggle a lot when Bryce and I would argue because i wanted so badly to talk to someone about it, but everyone I knew i was not certain they would encourage me to the feet of Jesus and submission, and so i told no one. For me it was better to deal with my heart with Jesus and my husband alone than to involve someone who might get the wrong idea about him and make a judgement based on my emotional opinion. I would wish for a mentor or woman that loved her husband in this way that i could speak to, but I was not SURE it would not effect their judgement of his and my first call as his wife is to ALWAYS build him up and never to allow someone else to be judge by something said of him. I believe women were created to be a help meet for her husband, to respect him and honor him, to look forward to meet his needs before he realizes he needs them, and to come along beside him in fulfilling his calling in life. We were not created to belittle him, to tell him about how he needs to lose weight or stop eating junk or get up and work- honestly we may feel like he needs to hear those things but THAT is not our job as his wife. We are called to speak life, to encourage, to uphold, to become the proverbs 31 woman. The easiest way for a woman to do that in my mind is first to learn to control her tongue, when she has done that most of the problems solve themselves! Have a heart of submission and love, to do whatever it takes to help him reach his goals, and help him find them if he is without any! We were created as a gift for our husbands, are we being that?

Your children become what you speak over them.

Think about it: If we become what we think about, which i've come to the conclusion after reading many books like "Secrets of the Millionaire mind," "Think and grow rich," "as a man thinketh," "God's creative power" and listening to "The strangest secret," that this is definitely true; what do our children think about? When they are young, still at home with us, what do they think about? Whatever we teach them, allow into their lives via friends, family, movies, games, parties etc, these things shape their young thoughts. If a child is spoken to in harsh terms and told they're always "naughty" what will they always be? NAUGHTY. Before you wonder where in the world i get this stuff, please remember i do have three children of my own! I can tell you honestly that each child was a different sort of baby, each pregnancy was different, and each of my children are different. I can tell you honestly- after reading these books and studying the power of words from the bible- i have truly understood what this principle has done for my own life. For example, when i was very young in school a teacher told my mom that i had not been tested but must suffer from a learning disability. As never diagnosed, the statement had already done it's damage as my mom then believed this about me and tried to help me through the next 12 years of school. As a senior in high school i received a 4.25 grade point average and STILL believed i was not a smart kid. I must not be destined for anything great. I was given a full ride to a small community college for sports and opted not to take it so that i could stay close to home in case i didn't "do well" in college. Just a few years ago i was praying about some things and as we were talking at a family event this disability came up and I decided to speak to my mom in private about it. After which she studied through the bible to write scriptures and prayers for me rebuking what had been spoken over me and speaking life. Since then i've not struggled with this thought in my mind even once, because the chain of the lie was broken. Now i don't share this with you to gain pity or to make you think that i do have a disability- my point is I did NOT have a disability, and I have never had a hard time picking things up, but because i believed this about myself from a young child it effected my success and my choices as i became an adult. I can even offer another example for you :) Each of my children slept through the night beautifully for 8 to 12 hours every night since the time they were 2 months old. Many many mothers believe that i am just "lucky" not to have one of their "problem" sleepers. This is SO untrue! I am the same tired, exhausted, desperate mother any of them were. And my children were breastfed before you believe they coma slept because of formula(which is not necessarily true for formula babies anyway.) After a few weeks i was healing well and needed to be close to my husband, to talk and laugh, and have our own space. Thus each of my children moved to their own rooms within the first month after birth. I know some of you co-sleep, that is just not me- and no i do not love my children any less. Each night when they would wake up i would go in and lean over to cuddle close to them while they were still in their crib, check their diaper, see if they were too hot, and prayed for them. I repeated over and over "I love you sweet baby, but Jesus created you to be independent from me and to sleep. He created you to need rest, and He created mommy and daddy to get time alone. You are fine, you are safe, you are loved and Jesus will help you sleep. When you need me, I am here, but you are fine and ready to sleep, goodnight I love you" and I would walk out and allow them to cry for a while before i went back in and repeated the same routine. Very quickly they were sleeping fine and no, they've never shown signs of attachment issues or anything. I truly believe that this is the difference between me and other moms who are always awake! I am not saying mothers that are awake all night with toddlers are bad mothers, I think they are actually quite excellent mothers because they desperately want to make sure their child is not abandoned and knows they are loved. I also have seen many that fear their child will not know they are loved if they are ever left to cry. I believe that how your child thinks and what they know of your love is dependent on how you speak this over them throughout the day, and gently allowing them to learn to sleep alone is only teaching them to choose and think independently of you. You can try over and over to lay them down and do exactly what i did and you can still not have the same results if you don't really believe your child can sleep. I read a profound thought in the book "God's creative power" that reads " Jesus said to me, 'I have told my people they can have WHAT THEY SAY and they are SAYING WHAT THEY HAVE.'" How true is this in our lives? I KNOW it's true in mine. If my child is being naughty, which is in their nature, i am telling people that they are naughty- correct? What if when they are naughty we correct the behavior as we should but we only spoke positive things about them? What would happen then? I have tried this many times and it has transformed the way i think of their behavior and their behavior changed as well! My children are incredible, my children listen, my children love Jesus, these are the things i repeat in my mind and often out loud when they are misbehaving because if God gave me the power to loose things in heaven and bind things on earth, good behavior i will loose and bad behavior i will bind!(Matthew 16:19) This works in every area, I personally am specifically focusing on financially, but it is generally universal! Where you are right now is as a result of how you THINK and then how you ACT! First we think, then we act, then we see the results of all of it and repeat it with disappointment. I don't know about you but i'm tired of this cycle! I'm tired of it for my children and for my finances, marriage, friendships, churches, any thing i interact with. The mothers I have most admired over time are those women who are not emotionally charged when their children misbehave. They are wise and generous, and their children grow up to be calculated and optimistic. They are intelligent and kind, generous and loving, and can adapt to any situation. The reason is not because they never misbehaved or those mothers were "just lucky" it was because they spoke good things over their children! They were patient and kind, and even though their children were difficult at times and stubborn just like ours, they grew up to be incredible adults! My husband and his sister are two incredible examples! These two adapt, are kind, generous, loving, confident and wise. I believe my brothers are also this way! Yes our parents made mistakes with us of course, but they always led us to the Lord and told us that we could do anything we set our mind to. We often think that statement is ridiculous but really we become what we think about, so it is true! There is nothing that makes me more angry than an older mother coming up to me saying things like "just wait until your children are teenagers" "Oh three girls, oh man your house will be terrible when they're teenagers" As soon as i walk away politely i say out loud quietly " I refuse to let them speak over my children in Jesus name those things are NOT my kids, my children will be INCREDIBLE teenagers and women of God!" Because in no way will i let someone else speak horrible things over my kids! I often feel as though i now understand WHY their children are struggling so much, they've had failure spoken over them! My point is to encourage you mothers and fathers, friends and relatives, that you can change the future of your children and those around you by speaking POSITIVELY over them! It will work the same in your own mind and heart, speak GOOD things over yourself and your finances and they will change! Don't complain, blame others, or act the victim- take responsibility for your part and start speaking LIFE about yourself and your children!

Settling in

Well the last four weeks have been a blur! As soon as we arrived the crazy began- within a couple of hours. Our little apartment has been under full on remodel and every single day we seem to hit snags. I am proud to say now, however, that our bathroom is FINISHED! For three weeks we had to run across the driveway and into the house if we needed to go, a lot like camping i'd say. Anyway, we're mostly settled into our new little "place" and beginning to imagine what a new routine is going to look like for us. Honestly... As that is good and necessary for me to step out of survival and into normal- I also am beginning to feel swamped by the emotions that i seem to have mostly not processed as of yet. Sometimes i'll just say to myself "i can't believe we just left everyone!" and it hits hard and fast. Yesterday my bestie and sister in law sent me a picture of her and my nieces and i just broke down in tears for quite a while. Just seeing them makes me feel like i could be there and reach out to hug them. Sort of like a tease i suppose. I knew this move would be difficult for us, Lucy has only known nextdoor to my parents as her home. We have spent our entire marriage in that same house, our girls were each taken to that home when they were born. We made a family there and five years of memories. Lucy has been really struggling lately missing her Ami- as they share the same first name they are also kindred spirits. Ami is her very best friend and it is finally starting to hit her that we're staying away. It has been especially difficult because my heart aches much the same as hers and i don't know how to help it heal. Isn't it incredible how the things we're called by God to do are not simple at all? And usually they make no sense to us until years down the road. When Bryce and I got married we had no intention of moving to my hometown, but the doors flung open and we felt like it was the right move. I never intended to stay so many years, but again we knew we were in the right place. Two years ago i began to understand why. It was to reunite my family. My big brother Matt left when i was a senior in high school and has mostly been removed from my life since then- not by choice but because he was airforce and often stationed out of the Country. During that time it was almost as if he were just gone, he was not a part of anything and when he visited he did not adjust well and we all fought the whole two weeks. So in March of 2010 when he and Lindsay married in Florida and moved back to our hometown i was a bit nervous but excited. He didn't know me anymore, and he didnt know much about Bryce or our daughter Lucy either. IT'd been so long since we held a conversation i was terrified to have him back. I also didn't know if i'd like Lindsay- we'd only spent a few emails worth of conversations besides her wedding week and we all know those don't show true character! In the two years since then I have found a best friend and the return of my big brother to his place in the family. I've watched as the Lord changed and molded the hearts of every single member of my family and been amazed that we are so lucky to have all of us together, spending every Sunday together, talking about the Lord- how to give more, serve more, grow more and learn more. Challenging each other and helping each other up. My brothers have matured into the men i always prayed they would, and two of them have met their match- and the blessing of those two friendships is more than i ever imagined! So i believe that time was to reunite, to grow and learn together, and to be in each others presence when we heard the call of the Lord, all together but all differently,as He sent us in new directions. That direction for us was clearly to come here, and as painful as it has been I am ever grateful for the Lords call on our lives and through this move he has walked beside me closer than ever and i have known His favor and His anointing. It's been an unbelievable ride so far and we know the best is yet to come! I am remembering Philippians 4:11 "I am to be content in all situations" and working hard to remember also that i am responsible for my own attitude, whether i choose to be offended or angry and working to keep emotions like those out of my marriage and parenting. What a gift to be under the wings of Jesus- we are flying high knowing that we're at the right place at the right time. For what we are unsure but we trust that it will all work out as it has a thousand times before when we've taken the leap- so here's to something being at the bottom to catch us!