Through obedience I have seen my entire family come to the most beautiful season of life I never could have dreamed possible. The faith an obedience of my parents when they were young and raising tiny children has turned into one of the closest, God-centered families that only He could have created! When a family chooses to sit around the dining table for hours discussing the bible, dreams of ministry, challenging, asking, and taking note of memorable scriptures for each other, it is unbelievable! It has really brought me into a new understanding of what the family of God should look like (not that we are it, but that as a church body we are called to be in similar communion!) With grace and joy this brings me often to tears, I remember being an on fire teen beginning missions when i was only 14 when my brothers had other interests. I dealt with fears and heartache knowing no one understood me and I mostly frustrated them. I had my own season of walking away, but upon returning I spent a year concealed away spending my days ruminating on the Lord and His mighty power. After that year I married and went home and I truly believe the reason for those five years home was to reunite a passionate effective family and in that loving environment teach us our spiritual gifts and allow us to learn from each other and from Him. It was such a beautiful season and so much fruit has come from those little seeds we planted and worked the ground, fed that wonderful soil and here we are today! The Lord has begun to now spread us out, more mature in our love for Him and our knowledge of His great plan we have been tossed to the four winds to become leaders, givers, goers, motivators, writers, senders, lovers of His word. What a blessing to be called a BALES/MILLER!
Dad and I were texting tonight and it just inspired this expression of the theme of our season of life: we are cliff jumpers! I've reviewed many times lately that the lesson the Lord has really had me focused on has been His overwhelming grace and what that really did for me.
Bryce and I, well we've always lived out lives as cliff jumpers. No one seems to understand us, but luckily our families have become used to this about us! The Lord has never directed our path in a way that makes sense to anyone and we have learned to be okay with that adversity. When I was 14 the Lord told me to go to Jamaica on a mission trip, I had no money or a job- but somehow i raised the money. When i decided to leave college, had excellent grades and a personal recommendation of a PHD to continue studies in Psychology to pursue counseling children. The Lord told me to leave and move to Texas, which also cost a lot of money. During that year He also told me to go to Africa, the most expensive of the trips, while also paying to attend the Academy. He came through every time! During my time at the HA I became best friends with Bryce, and upon graduation we began pursuing what the Lord had clearly communicated to both of us to be married that next summer. When we got married Bryce had the promise of a job, but we had no jobs or income and had just moved! Imagine how that felt for my dad.... But we had faith! We knew that the Lord directed us in a way that never seemed to make any SENSE to anyone that didn't understand our faith and our calling. There have been many many times of this- most recently calling us to pack up and move across the Country when we made awesome income, to pursue a dream of something more- a dream of residual income, to be able to be the senders we have known He has been preparing us to be for our whole lives! Every account of faith, every agonizing event of our marriage (not the marriage, but health struggles and such) have brought us to where we are to understand where we are going. He wanted us to learn steps of faith in small amounts, then larger and now we know we can do anything He calls us to! His mercies have carried us each and every day and it only gets better each day.
The Lord tells us to jump, and now it seems our will fights only a small amount before we strap in and say AWESOME LETS DO IT!
Each member of my family is in the exact same spot in their life, knowing they're called to jump and getting ready to leap off that cliff. Today I told dad we were mid-air waiting and would see them on the way. What a GIFT! It really hit me, and people I'm really not talking about my own family here, I'm talking about YOU, about us! We have the ability to JUMP when He tells us, He has prepped us, we knew it had been coming, it is terrifying! He never said it wouldn't hurt, or it wouldn't cause anxiety, or that it would be comfortable! He just said JUMP and I WILL CATCH YOU! He does not fail! Here's what I say to you, if it is difficult to look to Him and feel comfort, look around you, WE ARE MIDAIR! We are HERE, when you jump you are not alone, we are there with you! You know who were cliff jumpers? The disciples! The people Jesus called His friends, those willing to die for Him, those imprisoned in other countries for His name, He tells each of us when it is time to jump and our job is to trust that He has an incredible reason. Guys we were not created for THIS world! We have so much fear and worry about today, about tomorrow, about money, and yet none of those things will carry into the life we were actually created for- HEAVEN! Don't get so caught up in regular routine life that you miss your chance to jump and feel the rush of adrenaline when it is ALL up to Him to carry you through it!!! Look around when you're there, you are not alone, we are right here soaring through the air struggling with those same anxieties, but we KNOW from experience what seasons wait on the other side of that scary jump, the Lord wants to send you on to His incredible plan and purpose for your life but He cannot do it if you will not first JUMP!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it
I am such an Israelite. I mean really, I know I cannot be the only one that silently judges the Israelites a little bit when reading the old testament, seriously come ON people, He parted the red sea! AFTER the plagues, how could you EVER doubt God after any of those miracles? I often think if I had been one of them I surely would not have doubted God and would have worshipped freely and with excitement through each trial knowing He had some crazy amazing way of coming through for us.
Yet I look back in my own life and find so many of the same type of moments- moments where there was no other way but God. He was the only one that could have orchestrated the events that have taken place in my 27 years. The way I came to know Him was a miracle in and of itself. My dad was an alcoholic and a drug addict, when i was just over a year old he had multiple heart attacks and chose to go through treatment. While he was there my mom was invited to a church bible study while out smoking and walking the neighborhood with me and my older brother. She decided to give it a shot, she gave her life to Christ and he followed almost a year later after much hesitation. The Lord had my family set to know Him from the beginning but neither came from churched homes and were so very lost. God is a big God. My dad is the only one from his recovery group that never relapsed and it has been 26 years!
Bryce and I recently had a discussion about the way the Lord has orchestrated our lives, that they have never fit into anyone's typical box and mostly made no sense to anyone. But we have followed the voice of God each turn and found that He blessed the choices we made and our lives have blossomed and continue to reach new heights. I have always lived with the principle that I would rather be uncomfortable and barely making it and following the will of my Lord then to live outside His will in comfort. There is NO life outside His will for me. It is free will on my part, but His plan is so much better than mine! His ways SO much better than my own design! He doesn't put things together the way i ever imagined, but looking back i can see how some momentary painful things turned into the biggest blessings in my entire life and how they are setting me up to fulfill the calling I've received.
I deal a lot with anxieties, feeling totally swamped by responsibility and providing for our family and getting things done in the perfect timing, making decisions in the best interest of now four children. This is an area I have been greatly working on lately, seeking help wherever i can get it! But the best place? The bible. I woke up feeling overwhelmed this morning with the things i needed to do today and Bryce just gently reminded me i needed to go have some time with my bible and focus on the Lord. It changed my entire heart toward the day! Just being reminded of the gracious and beautiful character of Jesus first thing in the morning reminds me of how small my anxieties are but also that His grace encompasses all of them and whisks them away if I will just share them.
I was doing the dishes tonight after dinner, frustrated that they never end (right) reminded of all the events of the day, most of them feeling like getting knocked a step backward when we've been fighting to push against a powerful wind to press on to accomplish our dreams. We know our dreams don't match the world, we know we think in a different way, that we don't make sense for working so hard to change our lives and those around ours- but we also KNOW without a doubt that this was His design and we are to walk faithfully forward.
As I'm listening to worship music washing dishes my thoughts were wandering on the day wondering what in the world the Lord is doing, why would He call me so far from home? I'm desperately homesick, and our life there made sense. It had gotten comfortable and easy, and we knew that the Lord never called us to stay comfortable- thus we knew the shaking was coming, and boy has it! This move has been a ride. But how could I be so certain of His call on my life one moment and feel like He's forgotten me the next? I know I'm not the only one who goes there with their thoughts. Finances are tight and we all wonder where is He? He called us here, but why would He do that if He intended to leave me here to suffer alone and away from home? Just as the Israelites constantly saw the beautiful promises of God come to fruition and yet somehow continually felt forgotten and left behind.
Has God shown Himself faithful to you time and again over the years? Has He given you clear direction and spoken to you? He will not leave you! Don't let yourself slip into feeling like an Israelite! He never left them, the promised land was still waiting for them. Don't delay your promised land out of fear and doubt. The only one that pulls away from your relationship with Him is you, so if you feel far away know that He has stayed where He was and is waiting for you to turn to Him! He desperately wants to give you His grace and take your anxieties and fears and pull you into the cover of His wings, trust me they are big enough to cover anything you may have in your life. I don't care if you go to church or not- church in fact often seems to forget the simplicity of His love, grace and forgiveness. He wants YOU where YOU ARE. He has a beautiful plan and direction for you, full of grace and love and forgiveness and He waits to extend it anytime you are ready.
Yet I look back in my own life and find so many of the same type of moments- moments where there was no other way but God. He was the only one that could have orchestrated the events that have taken place in my 27 years. The way I came to know Him was a miracle in and of itself. My dad was an alcoholic and a drug addict, when i was just over a year old he had multiple heart attacks and chose to go through treatment. While he was there my mom was invited to a church bible study while out smoking and walking the neighborhood with me and my older brother. She decided to give it a shot, she gave her life to Christ and he followed almost a year later after much hesitation. The Lord had my family set to know Him from the beginning but neither came from churched homes and were so very lost. God is a big God. My dad is the only one from his recovery group that never relapsed and it has been 26 years!
Bryce and I recently had a discussion about the way the Lord has orchestrated our lives, that they have never fit into anyone's typical box and mostly made no sense to anyone. But we have followed the voice of God each turn and found that He blessed the choices we made and our lives have blossomed and continue to reach new heights. I have always lived with the principle that I would rather be uncomfortable and barely making it and following the will of my Lord then to live outside His will in comfort. There is NO life outside His will for me. It is free will on my part, but His plan is so much better than mine! His ways SO much better than my own design! He doesn't put things together the way i ever imagined, but looking back i can see how some momentary painful things turned into the biggest blessings in my entire life and how they are setting me up to fulfill the calling I've received.
I deal a lot with anxieties, feeling totally swamped by responsibility and providing for our family and getting things done in the perfect timing, making decisions in the best interest of now four children. This is an area I have been greatly working on lately, seeking help wherever i can get it! But the best place? The bible. I woke up feeling overwhelmed this morning with the things i needed to do today and Bryce just gently reminded me i needed to go have some time with my bible and focus on the Lord. It changed my entire heart toward the day! Just being reminded of the gracious and beautiful character of Jesus first thing in the morning reminds me of how small my anxieties are but also that His grace encompasses all of them and whisks them away if I will just share them.
I was doing the dishes tonight after dinner, frustrated that they never end (right) reminded of all the events of the day, most of them feeling like getting knocked a step backward when we've been fighting to push against a powerful wind to press on to accomplish our dreams. We know our dreams don't match the world, we know we think in a different way, that we don't make sense for working so hard to change our lives and those around ours- but we also KNOW without a doubt that this was His design and we are to walk faithfully forward.
As I'm listening to worship music washing dishes my thoughts were wandering on the day wondering what in the world the Lord is doing, why would He call me so far from home? I'm desperately homesick, and our life there made sense. It had gotten comfortable and easy, and we knew that the Lord never called us to stay comfortable- thus we knew the shaking was coming, and boy has it! This move has been a ride. But how could I be so certain of His call on my life one moment and feel like He's forgotten me the next? I know I'm not the only one who goes there with their thoughts. Finances are tight and we all wonder where is He? He called us here, but why would He do that if He intended to leave me here to suffer alone and away from home? Just as the Israelites constantly saw the beautiful promises of God come to fruition and yet somehow continually felt forgotten and left behind.
Has God shown Himself faithful to you time and again over the years? Has He given you clear direction and spoken to you? He will not leave you! Don't let yourself slip into feeling like an Israelite! He never left them, the promised land was still waiting for them. Don't delay your promised land out of fear and doubt. The only one that pulls away from your relationship with Him is you, so if you feel far away know that He has stayed where He was and is waiting for you to turn to Him! He desperately wants to give you His grace and take your anxieties and fears and pull you into the cover of His wings, trust me they are big enough to cover anything you may have in your life. I don't care if you go to church or not- church in fact often seems to forget the simplicity of His love, grace and forgiveness. He wants YOU where YOU ARE. He has a beautiful plan and direction for you, full of grace and love and forgiveness and He waits to extend it anytime you are ready.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Discpline : Your kids
I've been really contemplating this subject for the last few days, feeling like the Lord laid it on my heart to share some thoughts with you on discipline. It may be long, but I promise making sure you're on the right track with your kids is worth the time.
This is definitely not going to be a blog written about the types of discipline i think a parent should use, that is totally a personal decision, hopefully one made using the bible- but again they are your kiddos, you know them best.
My heart is actually to address the importance of discipline in a culture that believes indulging selfishly allows us to lead a fulfilling life.
The past few months I have had a unique opportunity through a part time job to really watch parenting styles. In trying to keep being a stay-at-home-mom but also knowing my children had a weakness in not knowing how to play with other kids- I got a job working at a health club in the nursery where i can bring my girls with me and watch peoples kids while they exercise. The club I work at is a premiere club, so the members pay a high monthly membership and have access to a lot of reeeallly nice stuff. Thus the type of people that come in and out of nursery are varied as far as income, life experience, age, and definitely parenting styles.
It has come to my attention, however, that parents think they are loving their child more by allowing them so many freedoms and not standing firm with any rules. I have seen children that hit and kick and spit and throw so many fits (these are 7 and 8 year old's) and when you tell their parents they are not even surprised or even sorry that their child treated you like that! It honestly amazes me.
Trust me, having three myself, I understand that standing up to your child is not comfortable, convenient, fun or relaxing, however ignoring the problem is only going to make for horrible displays of defiance in public places. Not to say my children haven't done their share of public displays of defiance, but I can assure you if I state " If you scream and throw a fit one more time i will take you to the car " you'd better believe I WILL do it.
My mom always taught me, don't say you'll do something you have no intention of carrying out. Even if you didn't mean to say it, or the punishment is harsh, you have to keep your word and learn from those mistakes because your children have to know you mean business, you train them to respect you and to trust you by keeping your word with discipline.
I appreciate that advice so much now, and I've seen what happens when i don't do what I've said I will.
When we're getting older and dreaming about marriage, having children, we imagine those well behaved beautiful kids that everyone wants to be around and watch. The ones that can sit still in church, don't interrupt, eat their meals, don't lie, hit, or steal and always share. We want the children who clean up their messes, wash their hands, and use manners each time they request something. We want to take peaceful children to the store and have people say "oh my your children are so well behaved!" We want smiling, happy, loving, intelligent children. BUT generally we DON'T understand that EVERY one of those things are TAUGHT. 99.98 percent of children have to be taught those behaviors through consistent discipline. That involves attention and resolve, but it can be done and is not as bad as you'd imagine.
I personally think dealing with a child who is constantly throwing fits and fighting for their own way is much more taxing to deal with then the time it takes to teach a child as young as 8 months how to begin behaving.
A good place to start is thinking about what you're teaching your little ones with behaviors of your own- do you eat all of your food and expect them to as well? Do you use your manners? Do you make sure you're choosing a good attitude even in rough situations? Can you sit still when someone is speaking for a longer period of time? You are your child's role model, if they can't see it in you they definitely won't see the benefit in learning it themselves. When we say one thing and act a different way themselves "because I'm the mom" that seems really untrustworthy and like we cannot follow our own advice and rules, therefore they can be broken but only by someone who holds authority. I think that contributes to kids having issues with authority, they are not taught why the rules are a little different and so they believe it's a "i want this power over you, or I'm better than you" thing and they really defy that. I know parents have good intentions with that, because really as an adult we should be able to make whatever decision we want, but with little prying eyes that question everything we do we just cannot afford to say "because" anymore. They need to understand why. They need to know we can spend the time explaining the differences in our lives and theirs when it really confuses them. When we pass it off and don't actually address it,the question is still there it is just now accompanied by the feeling that we have no time for them, we don't care that it bothers them and we're just going to keep doing it. It does not communicate respect to dismiss your child's inquiries.
My mom also made sure to teach us early on that even as children we deserved to be respected as well, but all too often parents and adults do not respect children, thus leading them to confusion and frustration because they do not hold value any longer when they feel they have something important to add or ask. Somehow we are surprised that they don't already know that "obvious" piece of information so they feel inferior and stupid for wanting the answer.
I know I have written before about the importance of what we speak over our children, it is absolutely vital, but we also need to make sure we're respecting, loving and disciplining them.
Many parents want to avoid telling their child "no" so often, and so they find ways to distract them or put away the object they're tempted to touch, anything to keep from telling them "no," the problem i see with this is the importance of learning how to say no! We HAVE to learn how to say no to others, and that things that belong to other people need to be asked before touched, things that are dangerous especially need to be taught or else children will have no understanding of risk and danger! We cannot spend our parenting indulging what they want by removing the things they cannot have and distracting them with gifts and toys and things we keep buying to pull their attention away. It does not teach them how to make wise decisions and rewards intrusive behavior with gifts.
Guilt. Parents do a lot out of guilt. I have seen more parents give their children anything they want from guilt about a divorce, or daycare or whatever they feel guilty about they then overcompensate by buying the child anything they want. Taking them out to fast food every night, letting a five year old listen to Justin Bieber and watch Twilight, buying them every toy they ever wanted and making sure they bring them to show (not share) other children. I do not think buying your kids stuff is bad, or letting them choose new things to experience, but are any of those healthy habits for your kid? What are they learning? When they are mad, they get what they want, when they know how to make you feel awful, they manipulate you into getting them stuff. Those behaviors are not loving to your child, they are teaching them unhealthy ways of thinking and that they can manipulate a situation to get what they want.
Children are born sinners like the rest of us. You can see at just a few months old, once they are cognitively making choices, they start manipulating situations. I don't mean to say they're little con artists trying to make you do what they want, but they know that when they cry you will come get them. So whenever they want you to come, they cry. They may not need fed, changed, played with, burped or anything, they just know that when they cry you will come. Obviously that is good as well as sometimes frustrating, they learn to count on you and that when they are in need you will be there. They also learn, as they get older, that when you walk away if they want you to come back they can cry. They don't need anything, you just played with them for 30 minutes and you need to make them lunch, but they have learned they can tell you they "need" you to come. So starts teaching them the difference between "need" and "want" and the importance of learning to be independent an entertain oneself. It starts from birth and if we can't be consistently on it from that day on our children will catch up and speed ahead of us and then catching up to them is very difficult!
To become healthy children, the dreamy ones i already talked about, they need consistency and discipline, which teach them their world is safe and they are loved. Kids push boundaries to test and make sure they are still safe, you will still keep them accountable, and they can relax and know you've not forgotten them. A child who tests boundaries only to find they don't have any feels insecure and acts out because they have no idea who will catch them when they make a huge mistake and often no one does, they just clean up the mess and cover it all up. They cannot see any barrier between themselves and floating off into oblivion never to be found again and so they desperately kick and yell and spit and beg that someone let them know they are accountable and loved and required to act as part of a healthy family. A child who is disciplined is loved, a child left to their own devices, given whatever they want feels neglected and often cannot adjust well to new things, feels lost and often acts out in defiance.
Over time I have found that even providing small discipline (sitting in time out for hitting) consistently and doing what I tell them I'll do, these children I've experienced at work have really opened up to me about their life, the things they like, and after months of hating me they have come to be happy when they come in and know they'll be with me two hours. I don't mean to say I'm so great and everyone loves me, moreso that consistency somewhere in their life makes them feel safer and like I care about their life.
Bryce reminds our children often- and I LOVE this- "You only get to choose one thing and that is your attitude" Because a child may not get to pick their own food, their own clothes, their own bed times- but they do get to choose how they will react to those things and that is where the character building comes in, that is where the discipline of not being free to choose everything teaches them life is NOT fair and they'd better choose a good attitude and enjoy the small things they get to choose. As they grow older they get to be responsible for more, but not until they prove they can handle it and that they know how to make wise choices.
I know this was lengthy, if you held with me the whole time- thank you! To all of you soon to be moms, or brand new moms, discipline is a good thing to start thinking about right now. The things around your child, mostly at home, will shape them into the young people they will become. We control what those things around them are- so make sure you project forward what you're teaching your child and what it will look like in five years. If you want well behaved kids, it starts now with your brainstorming how to teach them to be well adjusted young people. We are shepherding hearts, teaching little ones how to become healthy happy adults, it is vital that we think through how we raise them from birth to see that we're on track for their best chance of success!
Much love and blessings to all of you parents, it is HARD work and you will fail and lay in bed counting your own mistakes, but it is the most important job on the planet, the least recognized, but the most influential in a persons life.
This is definitely not going to be a blog written about the types of discipline i think a parent should use, that is totally a personal decision, hopefully one made using the bible- but again they are your kiddos, you know them best.
My heart is actually to address the importance of discipline in a culture that believes indulging selfishly allows us to lead a fulfilling life.
The past few months I have had a unique opportunity through a part time job to really watch parenting styles. In trying to keep being a stay-at-home-mom but also knowing my children had a weakness in not knowing how to play with other kids- I got a job working at a health club in the nursery where i can bring my girls with me and watch peoples kids while they exercise. The club I work at is a premiere club, so the members pay a high monthly membership and have access to a lot of reeeallly nice stuff. Thus the type of people that come in and out of nursery are varied as far as income, life experience, age, and definitely parenting styles.
It has come to my attention, however, that parents think they are loving their child more by allowing them so many freedoms and not standing firm with any rules. I have seen children that hit and kick and spit and throw so many fits (these are 7 and 8 year old's) and when you tell their parents they are not even surprised or even sorry that their child treated you like that! It honestly amazes me.
Trust me, having three myself, I understand that standing up to your child is not comfortable, convenient, fun or relaxing, however ignoring the problem is only going to make for horrible displays of defiance in public places. Not to say my children haven't done their share of public displays of defiance, but I can assure you if I state " If you scream and throw a fit one more time i will take you to the car " you'd better believe I WILL do it.
My mom always taught me, don't say you'll do something you have no intention of carrying out. Even if you didn't mean to say it, or the punishment is harsh, you have to keep your word and learn from those mistakes because your children have to know you mean business, you train them to respect you and to trust you by keeping your word with discipline.
I appreciate that advice so much now, and I've seen what happens when i don't do what I've said I will.
When we're getting older and dreaming about marriage, having children, we imagine those well behaved beautiful kids that everyone wants to be around and watch. The ones that can sit still in church, don't interrupt, eat their meals, don't lie, hit, or steal and always share. We want the children who clean up their messes, wash their hands, and use manners each time they request something. We want to take peaceful children to the store and have people say "oh my your children are so well behaved!" We want smiling, happy, loving, intelligent children. BUT generally we DON'T understand that EVERY one of those things are TAUGHT. 99.98 percent of children have to be taught those behaviors through consistent discipline. That involves attention and resolve, but it can be done and is not as bad as you'd imagine.
I personally think dealing with a child who is constantly throwing fits and fighting for their own way is much more taxing to deal with then the time it takes to teach a child as young as 8 months how to begin behaving.
A good place to start is thinking about what you're teaching your little ones with behaviors of your own- do you eat all of your food and expect them to as well? Do you use your manners? Do you make sure you're choosing a good attitude even in rough situations? Can you sit still when someone is speaking for a longer period of time? You are your child's role model, if they can't see it in you they definitely won't see the benefit in learning it themselves. When we say one thing and act a different way themselves "because I'm the mom" that seems really untrustworthy and like we cannot follow our own advice and rules, therefore they can be broken but only by someone who holds authority. I think that contributes to kids having issues with authority, they are not taught why the rules are a little different and so they believe it's a "i want this power over you, or I'm better than you" thing and they really defy that. I know parents have good intentions with that, because really as an adult we should be able to make whatever decision we want, but with little prying eyes that question everything we do we just cannot afford to say "because" anymore. They need to understand why. They need to know we can spend the time explaining the differences in our lives and theirs when it really confuses them. When we pass it off and don't actually address it,the question is still there it is just now accompanied by the feeling that we have no time for them, we don't care that it bothers them and we're just going to keep doing it. It does not communicate respect to dismiss your child's inquiries.
My mom also made sure to teach us early on that even as children we deserved to be respected as well, but all too often parents and adults do not respect children, thus leading them to confusion and frustration because they do not hold value any longer when they feel they have something important to add or ask. Somehow we are surprised that they don't already know that "obvious" piece of information so they feel inferior and stupid for wanting the answer.
I know I have written before about the importance of what we speak over our children, it is absolutely vital, but we also need to make sure we're respecting, loving and disciplining them.
Many parents want to avoid telling their child "no" so often, and so they find ways to distract them or put away the object they're tempted to touch, anything to keep from telling them "no," the problem i see with this is the importance of learning how to say no! We HAVE to learn how to say no to others, and that things that belong to other people need to be asked before touched, things that are dangerous especially need to be taught or else children will have no understanding of risk and danger! We cannot spend our parenting indulging what they want by removing the things they cannot have and distracting them with gifts and toys and things we keep buying to pull their attention away. It does not teach them how to make wise decisions and rewards intrusive behavior with gifts.
Guilt. Parents do a lot out of guilt. I have seen more parents give their children anything they want from guilt about a divorce, or daycare or whatever they feel guilty about they then overcompensate by buying the child anything they want. Taking them out to fast food every night, letting a five year old listen to Justin Bieber and watch Twilight, buying them every toy they ever wanted and making sure they bring them to show (not share) other children. I do not think buying your kids stuff is bad, or letting them choose new things to experience, but are any of those healthy habits for your kid? What are they learning? When they are mad, they get what they want, when they know how to make you feel awful, they manipulate you into getting them stuff. Those behaviors are not loving to your child, they are teaching them unhealthy ways of thinking and that they can manipulate a situation to get what they want.
Children are born sinners like the rest of us. You can see at just a few months old, once they are cognitively making choices, they start manipulating situations. I don't mean to say they're little con artists trying to make you do what they want, but they know that when they cry you will come get them. So whenever they want you to come, they cry. They may not need fed, changed, played with, burped or anything, they just know that when they cry you will come. Obviously that is good as well as sometimes frustrating, they learn to count on you and that when they are in need you will be there. They also learn, as they get older, that when you walk away if they want you to come back they can cry. They don't need anything, you just played with them for 30 minutes and you need to make them lunch, but they have learned they can tell you they "need" you to come. So starts teaching them the difference between "need" and "want" and the importance of learning to be independent an entertain oneself. It starts from birth and if we can't be consistently on it from that day on our children will catch up and speed ahead of us and then catching up to them is very difficult!
To become healthy children, the dreamy ones i already talked about, they need consistency and discipline, which teach them their world is safe and they are loved. Kids push boundaries to test and make sure they are still safe, you will still keep them accountable, and they can relax and know you've not forgotten them. A child who tests boundaries only to find they don't have any feels insecure and acts out because they have no idea who will catch them when they make a huge mistake and often no one does, they just clean up the mess and cover it all up. They cannot see any barrier between themselves and floating off into oblivion never to be found again and so they desperately kick and yell and spit and beg that someone let them know they are accountable and loved and required to act as part of a healthy family. A child who is disciplined is loved, a child left to their own devices, given whatever they want feels neglected and often cannot adjust well to new things, feels lost and often acts out in defiance.
Over time I have found that even providing small discipline (sitting in time out for hitting) consistently and doing what I tell them I'll do, these children I've experienced at work have really opened up to me about their life, the things they like, and after months of hating me they have come to be happy when they come in and know they'll be with me two hours. I don't mean to say I'm so great and everyone loves me, moreso that consistency somewhere in their life makes them feel safer and like I care about their life.
Bryce reminds our children often- and I LOVE this- "You only get to choose one thing and that is your attitude" Because a child may not get to pick their own food, their own clothes, their own bed times- but they do get to choose how they will react to those things and that is where the character building comes in, that is where the discipline of not being free to choose everything teaches them life is NOT fair and they'd better choose a good attitude and enjoy the small things they get to choose. As they grow older they get to be responsible for more, but not until they prove they can handle it and that they know how to make wise choices.
I know this was lengthy, if you held with me the whole time- thank you! To all of you soon to be moms, or brand new moms, discipline is a good thing to start thinking about right now. The things around your child, mostly at home, will shape them into the young people they will become. We control what those things around them are- so make sure you project forward what you're teaching your child and what it will look like in five years. If you want well behaved kids, it starts now with your brainstorming how to teach them to be well adjusted young people. We are shepherding hearts, teaching little ones how to become healthy happy adults, it is vital that we think through how we raise them from birth to see that we're on track for their best chance of success!
Much love and blessings to all of you parents, it is HARD work and you will fail and lay in bed counting your own mistakes, but it is the most important job on the planet, the least recognized, but the most influential in a persons life.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Why do we nag?
I've been thinking a lot about this.
What is our role as wives? I know we act like our role is to pick apart outfits, clean up messes, maybe nag a little about doing all the housework alone, never getting candle lit dinners and chocolate. As women we hate that we get labeled a "nag" and are regarded as always complaining. Why is this? Why ARE we always complaining? I have a couple of ideas, though they probably won't be what anyone wants to hear.
1. Maybe we complain because we want something done? HA! That sounds simple enough right? Do any of you have a husband that responds positively to constant complaints by doing everything on your nag list? I sure don't! I wouldn't think that would be an easy task, to constantly want to bless and help a complaining woman. The bible is specific about this trait in women "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife" Proverbs 21:19. Ouch right? I don't know about you but the stuff i catch myself starting fights and nagging about is usually things I could have accomplished myself in fifteen minutes and saved both of us the emotional stress. In my experience all complaining and nagging accomplishes is making your husband feel like dirt, wasting an hour arguing, and having no real change to show for it.
2. It is also quite possible that we are just trying to manage everything. Sometimes we look at our husbands like they would drown without us there to constantly take care of everything, but is that even the truth? I know in my own case, my husband is MORE than capable of handling everything without me. Sure I have had more practice juggling a lot with housework and the kids, but on days he has at home with them I always come home to giggling and stories of epic adventure, where he somehow got them to eat something they won't even try for me and they slept for two hours and haven't fought for more than a few minutes.
It's control. I HATE when I'm not controlling something. That is a difficult thing for me to admit, and I'm not the kind of woman that bosses her husband around kind of control, the kind where I've got everything micro managed to keep it all in balance- things that are my job really; cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, mailing bills, doing laundry, all that stuff you're doing as well. If i can keep it all balanced just right than I can stay on top of all of it and feel accomplished. That also means that when someone, like my husband, comes into the mix and throws it off by asking me to sit down with him for a while ( why is that so hard?) I just get frustrated because it will back me up on my list for hours (heaven forbid right)! Thus it can turn me into a nag because I'm constantly talking about all the "stuff i have to do to manage this house" and making him feel like I don't think he does anything to help. That is definitely not how i feel but by always explaining away why i won't take a break I am inevitably making him feel like he is less important than all of my tasks.
Like the story in the bible when Martha is cooking dinner for Jesus and the disciples and Mary chooses to sit and visit with Jesus instead of helping her sister. Martha gets frustrated and asks Jesus, " Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work myself? Tell her to help me!" The Lord answers, " Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her." (Luke 10:40-42) I feel like this goes for spending time with Jesus, but also with your husband and family. They are more valuable than the tasks that need to be done. Though some of us express love in our service, if the one we are loving receives love with quality time and physical touch, than our acts of service are actually painful for them because we ignore their need to accomplish our own goals.
Over the years I have been at a lot of baby showers, three of my own ;) and wedding showers, and at each there has been a time when the experienced women share their thoughts and advice. Each and every time I have heard by more than one woman, " Don't worry about cleaning the house, you won't get to the end of your life and say to yourself 'gee i wish I'd spent more time doing chores.'" I don't think that means keeping your home clean is something you shouldn't care about, but I do think the value of it needs to come after the care and quality time with those you love most. After all, our calling in this world is to go out and spread the love of Jesus, and that is done through more ways than cleaning and micro managing.
Since I moved across the Country I've really had to step out of my comfort zone to meet new people and try to make friends. If you know me very well, my family are my best friends and I generally feel complete with that. But the Lord is seeking to stretch me out of that small bubble and reach out to others, so he moved me! Anyway, I've had the opportunity to pick up a lot of things about the marriages of other people and the struggles they have. One thing is common throughout, it seems the women are always trying to be Eve! What I mean is, wasn't it arrogant and out of place for Eve to think she knew better than Adam and pointed him to the apple? As women I have generally noticed that most of us are trying to lead out husband around on a leash showing him what we think he should buy, eat, how he should exercise, when we will give him sex, what vacations he should work overtime to pay for and heaven forbid he spend his own money! UGH that is our job! Am I even a little bit right ladies? I know this is a struggle for me too, as it is human nature for us women to want to struggle for control. "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Genesis 3:16
So on the other side of this what do we have? How do we get things done, mention when we need help, and relinquish the control we think we have? There has to be a better way of communicating with our husbands than nagging and there has to be a better way to respect them in our attitudes and actions. After all, "However, each one of you must also love his wife as himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33
The Lord put us together to do more than procreate. We are intended to be a dynamic team, and inseparable force, a representation of Christ's marriage to the church, hope that unconditional love can be fought for. We were meant to bring each other UP not pull each other DOWN. Adam was created first, and before Eve he was given a job, a life calling and a goal that was specifically made for him. I believe our husbands are that way as well, before us they were given a calling and something to do- we were added to that to become an asset, an encourager, to bring something to the table that wasn't already there. We see our husbands weakest moments, the most vulnerable fears and concerns are gently laid in our hands and ours alone. It seems like abuse to be constantly nagging at the man who is trying to lead us to the Lord, accomplish what he's been called to do, and is laying down his life for our family. There has to be a way that we can be as we were created to be, to gently hold his heart, bring words of affirmation and confidence, assure him he can take on he world and turn it upside down if he wanted to. If we're not doing that then who is? Their boss? nope. Their kids? unlikely if they are young. Their parents? Maybe a little. But it was only given to YOU as YOUR job to stand by him.
He is an eagle, ready to learn to fly. He knows he was created for greatness somehow and that he was meant to soar but he cannot fathom HOW that will happen. Are you going to be the rope that ties his feet to a root in the ground telling him he can't do it? He won't succeed so why try? Are you the woman who stands at the door and scoffs at every idea and threatens to do something irrational if he doesn't do what you want?
Or will you be the woman who builds her Eagle a perch from everything around her, builds it with care and structurally sound, building supports and stairs and even a railing in case he needs to hold on one last time before he tries to fly. Are you going to be the woman that builds her marriage with encouragement, confidence, hope and love so that when he is finally ready (not when we tell him he is!) he will have a structure so beautifully built that he will KNOW he can do it!!!
It seems harder than it is. A simple decision. What kind of wife will you be? Will you let go of your own ideas and thoughts of what he needs to accomplish and let the Lord whisper to him the greatness he was born for? I want to be the woman that works endlessly to build a foundation of love and understanding for my husband so that when it comes time for him to walk through that door to his own potential I will be ready to help him learn how to fly!
What is our role as wives? I know we act like our role is to pick apart outfits, clean up messes, maybe nag a little about doing all the housework alone, never getting candle lit dinners and chocolate. As women we hate that we get labeled a "nag" and are regarded as always complaining. Why is this? Why ARE we always complaining? I have a couple of ideas, though they probably won't be what anyone wants to hear.
1. Maybe we complain because we want something done? HA! That sounds simple enough right? Do any of you have a husband that responds positively to constant complaints by doing everything on your nag list? I sure don't! I wouldn't think that would be an easy task, to constantly want to bless and help a complaining woman. The bible is specific about this trait in women "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife" Proverbs 21:19. Ouch right? I don't know about you but the stuff i catch myself starting fights and nagging about is usually things I could have accomplished myself in fifteen minutes and saved both of us the emotional stress. In my experience all complaining and nagging accomplishes is making your husband feel like dirt, wasting an hour arguing, and having no real change to show for it.
2. It is also quite possible that we are just trying to manage everything. Sometimes we look at our husbands like they would drown without us there to constantly take care of everything, but is that even the truth? I know in my own case, my husband is MORE than capable of handling everything without me. Sure I have had more practice juggling a lot with housework and the kids, but on days he has at home with them I always come home to giggling and stories of epic adventure, where he somehow got them to eat something they won't even try for me and they slept for two hours and haven't fought for more than a few minutes.
It's control. I HATE when I'm not controlling something. That is a difficult thing for me to admit, and I'm not the kind of woman that bosses her husband around kind of control, the kind where I've got everything micro managed to keep it all in balance- things that are my job really; cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, mailing bills, doing laundry, all that stuff you're doing as well. If i can keep it all balanced just right than I can stay on top of all of it and feel accomplished. That also means that when someone, like my husband, comes into the mix and throws it off by asking me to sit down with him for a while ( why is that so hard?) I just get frustrated because it will back me up on my list for hours (heaven forbid right)! Thus it can turn me into a nag because I'm constantly talking about all the "stuff i have to do to manage this house" and making him feel like I don't think he does anything to help. That is definitely not how i feel but by always explaining away why i won't take a break I am inevitably making him feel like he is less important than all of my tasks.
Like the story in the bible when Martha is cooking dinner for Jesus and the disciples and Mary chooses to sit and visit with Jesus instead of helping her sister. Martha gets frustrated and asks Jesus, " Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work myself? Tell her to help me!" The Lord answers, " Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed-indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken from her." (Luke 10:40-42) I feel like this goes for spending time with Jesus, but also with your husband and family. They are more valuable than the tasks that need to be done. Though some of us express love in our service, if the one we are loving receives love with quality time and physical touch, than our acts of service are actually painful for them because we ignore their need to accomplish our own goals.
Over the years I have been at a lot of baby showers, three of my own ;) and wedding showers, and at each there has been a time when the experienced women share their thoughts and advice. Each and every time I have heard by more than one woman, " Don't worry about cleaning the house, you won't get to the end of your life and say to yourself 'gee i wish I'd spent more time doing chores.'" I don't think that means keeping your home clean is something you shouldn't care about, but I do think the value of it needs to come after the care and quality time with those you love most. After all, our calling in this world is to go out and spread the love of Jesus, and that is done through more ways than cleaning and micro managing.
Since I moved across the Country I've really had to step out of my comfort zone to meet new people and try to make friends. If you know me very well, my family are my best friends and I generally feel complete with that. But the Lord is seeking to stretch me out of that small bubble and reach out to others, so he moved me! Anyway, I've had the opportunity to pick up a lot of things about the marriages of other people and the struggles they have. One thing is common throughout, it seems the women are always trying to be Eve! What I mean is, wasn't it arrogant and out of place for Eve to think she knew better than Adam and pointed him to the apple? As women I have generally noticed that most of us are trying to lead out husband around on a leash showing him what we think he should buy, eat, how he should exercise, when we will give him sex, what vacations he should work overtime to pay for and heaven forbid he spend his own money! UGH that is our job! Am I even a little bit right ladies? I know this is a struggle for me too, as it is human nature for us women to want to struggle for control. "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Genesis 3:16
So on the other side of this what do we have? How do we get things done, mention when we need help, and relinquish the control we think we have? There has to be a better way of communicating with our husbands than nagging and there has to be a better way to respect them in our attitudes and actions. After all, "However, each one of you must also love his wife as himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33
The Lord put us together to do more than procreate. We are intended to be a dynamic team, and inseparable force, a representation of Christ's marriage to the church, hope that unconditional love can be fought for. We were meant to bring each other UP not pull each other DOWN. Adam was created first, and before Eve he was given a job, a life calling and a goal that was specifically made for him. I believe our husbands are that way as well, before us they were given a calling and something to do- we were added to that to become an asset, an encourager, to bring something to the table that wasn't already there. We see our husbands weakest moments, the most vulnerable fears and concerns are gently laid in our hands and ours alone. It seems like abuse to be constantly nagging at the man who is trying to lead us to the Lord, accomplish what he's been called to do, and is laying down his life for our family. There has to be a way that we can be as we were created to be, to gently hold his heart, bring words of affirmation and confidence, assure him he can take on he world and turn it upside down if he wanted to. If we're not doing that then who is? Their boss? nope. Their kids? unlikely if they are young. Their parents? Maybe a little. But it was only given to YOU as YOUR job to stand by him.
He is an eagle, ready to learn to fly. He knows he was created for greatness somehow and that he was meant to soar but he cannot fathom HOW that will happen. Are you going to be the rope that ties his feet to a root in the ground telling him he can't do it? He won't succeed so why try? Are you the woman who stands at the door and scoffs at every idea and threatens to do something irrational if he doesn't do what you want?
Or will you be the woman who builds her Eagle a perch from everything around her, builds it with care and structurally sound, building supports and stairs and even a railing in case he needs to hold on one last time before he tries to fly. Are you going to be the woman that builds her marriage with encouragement, confidence, hope and love so that when he is finally ready (not when we tell him he is!) he will have a structure so beautifully built that he will KNOW he can do it!!!
It seems harder than it is. A simple decision. What kind of wife will you be? Will you let go of your own ideas and thoughts of what he needs to accomplish and let the Lord whisper to him the greatness he was born for? I want to be the woman that works endlessly to build a foundation of love and understanding for my husband so that when it comes time for him to walk through that door to his own potential I will be ready to help him learn how to fly!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Refined
re·fined
/riˈfīnd/
Adjective
|
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Our God is fighting for us always
I've been missing home bad lately, and my dad sent me this song that is changing my life everyday....
Open up our eyes by Elevation Worship (I encourage you to listen!)
It's really got me thinking....
"Our God is fighting for us always, our God is fighting for us all"
Brings me to tears every time! I feel as though my heart could burst at the sudden overwhelming feeling that He is most absolutely fighting along side me!
I have said often lately that our life is headed somewhere huge, we can see the big open gorgeous feild full of beauty and relaxation and everything we've ever dreamed we'd do for the Lord- but when we look down we see that we're in quicksand and we're just peddling as fast as we can to stay a step ahead and keep on fighting. He is FIGHTING FOR ME! He is right there next to me kicking His legs saying " you CAN do this Kaylee FIGHT!" and I am encouraged enough to kick a little harder!
Where are you in your life? Are you stuck in the quicksand knowing you were made for more but you just CANNOT find that place you fit? Kick KICK KICK! He is right there with you kicking all the way.
" Greater is the One who's in us, greater is the One who calls our name. Stronger is the one within us, stronger is the one who fights for us HE WILL NEVER FAIL!"
You have HIM fighting for you and even when you fail He WILL NOT! It goes directly against His character to give up on you! So what are you afraid of? What are you desperately feeling alone for? What are you striving for but just cannot make headway? HE IS FIGHTING FOR YOU! HE WILL NOT FAIL AT FIGHTING FOR YOU! You keep your head up and trust in the Lord and He alone and He will NOT fail you! Your God is a MIGHTY God! Tread that water, hang on to that rope, start digging a set of stairs into the wall of your hole, wherever you are start FIGHTING. The devil can only get a grip on us when we STOP FIGHTING. God will fight for you even when you cannot but His grace can only be applied to you when you come and sit as His feet and ask His help. Like the prodigal son, the Lord waits for us to return from our mess and He will welcome us home with open arms, the fatted calf, His best because He has waited long hours for our return and He NEVER stopped fighting!
Let it go guys, Fight with the Lord but let go of the fear, anxiety and worry- it has ruled your life long enough! He can do a miracle through you- just hang on and push forward, dream big and GO GET IT DONE! We live ONE life, and we focus on tomorrow- but what we have is TODAY always today... You fight through today and know you are never alone......
Open up our eyes by Elevation Worship (I encourage you to listen!)
It's really got me thinking....
"Our God is fighting for us always, our God is fighting for us all"
Brings me to tears every time! I feel as though my heart could burst at the sudden overwhelming feeling that He is most absolutely fighting along side me!
I have said often lately that our life is headed somewhere huge, we can see the big open gorgeous feild full of beauty and relaxation and everything we've ever dreamed we'd do for the Lord- but when we look down we see that we're in quicksand and we're just peddling as fast as we can to stay a step ahead and keep on fighting. He is FIGHTING FOR ME! He is right there next to me kicking His legs saying " you CAN do this Kaylee FIGHT!" and I am encouraged enough to kick a little harder!
Where are you in your life? Are you stuck in the quicksand knowing you were made for more but you just CANNOT find that place you fit? Kick KICK KICK! He is right there with you kicking all the way.
" Greater is the One who's in us, greater is the One who calls our name. Stronger is the one within us, stronger is the one who fights for us HE WILL NEVER FAIL!"
You have HIM fighting for you and even when you fail He WILL NOT! It goes directly against His character to give up on you! So what are you afraid of? What are you desperately feeling alone for? What are you striving for but just cannot make headway? HE IS FIGHTING FOR YOU! HE WILL NOT FAIL AT FIGHTING FOR YOU! You keep your head up and trust in the Lord and He alone and He will NOT fail you! Your God is a MIGHTY God! Tread that water, hang on to that rope, start digging a set of stairs into the wall of your hole, wherever you are start FIGHTING. The devil can only get a grip on us when we STOP FIGHTING. God will fight for you even when you cannot but His grace can only be applied to you when you come and sit as His feet and ask His help. Like the prodigal son, the Lord waits for us to return from our mess and He will welcome us home with open arms, the fatted calf, His best because He has waited long hours for our return and He NEVER stopped fighting!
Let it go guys, Fight with the Lord but let go of the fear, anxiety and worry- it has ruled your life long enough! He can do a miracle through you- just hang on and push forward, dream big and GO GET IT DONE! We live ONE life, and we focus on tomorrow- but what we have is TODAY always today... You fight through today and know you are never alone......
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A New Year
Happy New year!
I always think people make a huge deal about the "new year," like somehow this year will be the answer to all of life's big problems. As if it is going to solve everything and finally they will be happy and enjoy their life.
I find this interesting, reflection is good don't get me wrong! I just find it sadly cultural that we tend to line out all the things we didn't do that great and then decide January first that we need to set ourselves up for being happy by getting organized, drinking less and getting a gym membership.
Resolution by definition means "a firm decision to do or not to do something; decision, determination, resolve, solution."
I actually think regularly making a firm decision to change something that's not working for you is a great idea- but what is behind it? It seems to me we often make these decisions because our year wasn't as great as we'd hoped and so THIS year is going to be GREAT, BECAUSE I'm changing it all.
The one things I don't think I've ever seen on a new years resolution is "To change my attitude" or "to choose not to be offended by anything" or "to choose joy NO MATTER the circumstance" "to give unconditionally and love unconditionally" but each of these would root out the bitterness and negativity or self deprecation and replace it with a good attitude, a happy heart, and person that is so wonderfully whole and complete that people flock to them, want to be around them and want what they have. But what they have can be anyone's if we would only choose it!
If we first chose to change our attitude we would come to find that we naturally WANT to get in better shape and when we see ourselves the way God sees us the gym membership is not for looks or our own skewed view of wanting to fit in- it's because we want to be healthy! We want to treat our body like a temple of the Holy Spirit and take caution to what we allow in it; making sure to keep in good shape for longevity and the ability to sustain a busy and consistently active life in blessing and serving our family and others. Fitness becomes exciting because we see how God made us to function and fall in love with the endorphin rush! It frees our mind from guilt and gives energy that surges throughout the rest of the day. Fitness is an incredible goal- but not because someone judged you- because God made your body to do incredible things and once you decide and know that- then you can really soar getting in shape and finding an activity you're crazy about!
When we look around at the chaos in our life and decide we need to get more organized- it takes action to take control of our home and rearrange it. We have to commit to small daily activities that will change small things but eventually our habits will form and we will naturally reorganize things until we find a working function for our life. An example from my own life; when we were first married we moved into a nice three bedroom house. I had NO idea how to keep that HUGE house clean! It was so difficult to find a rhythm and seemed to me that it took all day just to get one thing done. Now, after each addition of a new child I have actually become much more efficient at keeping my home clean and organized and am actually the most organized now than ever! It seems backwards, because we all know i have NO time now- but had all the time in the day before Lucy was born. But now my life requires a bit of routine and so slowly the new habits began to form as i changed my attitude and forced myself to do more chores regularly until my natural instinct is now to be actively doing something all the time. Not that it's healthy to be a Martha- especially not replacing Jesus, spouse, or children! But it is necessary, as in Proverbs 31 to be a wife of noble character, to find a way to get all of our chores done and spend quality time with each member of our family! It is possible, just choose to do one extra thing each day- write out a calendar you can see and check off the days you've done the assigned chores, that way you can see that you're getting better! Also, listen to something inspiring while doing your chores, a sermon, an inspirational book on CD or audio, something that is positive and uplifting. If you are a stay at home mom, your home is your ministry so accept your failures and find simple solutions for them; for example I LOVE the kids toys to be organized but some days they get out EVERY toy and it would take me hours to put them away where i like- so i have a toy cube wall with colored baskets and the kids and I just put them away in the baskets and slide them into their slots- that way the toys are put away but also look nice and organized even when they are not. I also sometimes take toys out if they're getting overwhelming and rotate them back in another time.
Ladies, I do want to touch on something I hear from women and even men a lot. Often when we have kids we start wearing sweats all the time and not showering till late, not wearing makeup, and "letting ourselves go." I remember before Bryce and I got married this was his biggest concern with me, that i would have children and just get frumpy like most moms. I hear women say all the time that they don't know why their husband isn't interested in them after a few years- but honestly I wonder what they have tried. Men are visual, they want to look at you and be instantly amazed at your beauty- but it's quite difficult when we take no care for ourselves or their feelings. I think this puts a large rift in the marriage because a man cannot find a way to ask for this to change, and the wife is so sensitive she gets hurt and angry if he does find a way.
We have always tried to keep communication open and gentle enough that if a suggestion was made this way we could gracefully listen and try to change it. We are committed to the same person for our whole life- but if we wish to maintain the same level of excitement, attraction, and desire that our husbands seek after our hearts to win them every day, we REALLY need to step up our game! He needs to KNOW we love him, we need to BE captivating! He can't continually be visually captivated by a woman in sweats and an oversized t shirt without even clean hair- we really cannot expect a man to "love us as we are" if we cannot love ourselves enough to see the importance of taking care of ourselves.
Is this making sense? By no means am I trying to place the importance solely on our looks, I do not believe this and I certainly don't think it is what makes us beautiful. It is honor for him, self respect, joy and kindness all wrapped up in keeping ourselves a beautiful package for him to unwrap. Aiding in keeping our husbands eyes solely on US not on the women of our culture who are taught to flaunt it all and virtually be naked on commercials and billboards. If we want our men to focus on us and struggle LESS in this area we need to accept the responsibility to step it up and take care of our bodies- exercise, eat right, get dressed up sometimes, be excited and happy and all those things he fell in love with. You can have his attention back- you just have to get to working for it! We cannot choose how they act toward us, or what they say if they need us to try a little harder, but we can control how we react and make a "resolution" to step it up and be the best we can because our spouses deserve it. Sometimes, with a brand new baby, this meant i got dressed and put makeup on and nice clothes five minutes before he walked in the door- but still it was done :).
I hope you are encouraged and hear my heart, we are all heavenly created and beautiful, we have the power to change our WHOLE year just by changing out attitude about it and becoming determined to have a joyful attitude through every rough spot we hit this year- because we all know every year has them!
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deut. 31:6
I always think people make a huge deal about the "new year," like somehow this year will be the answer to all of life's big problems. As if it is going to solve everything and finally they will be happy and enjoy their life.
I find this interesting, reflection is good don't get me wrong! I just find it sadly cultural that we tend to line out all the things we didn't do that great and then decide January first that we need to set ourselves up for being happy by getting organized, drinking less and getting a gym membership.
Resolution by definition means "a firm decision to do or not to do something; decision, determination, resolve, solution."
I actually think regularly making a firm decision to change something that's not working for you is a great idea- but what is behind it? It seems to me we often make these decisions because our year wasn't as great as we'd hoped and so THIS year is going to be GREAT, BECAUSE I'm changing it all.
The one things I don't think I've ever seen on a new years resolution is "To change my attitude" or "to choose not to be offended by anything" or "to choose joy NO MATTER the circumstance" "to give unconditionally and love unconditionally" but each of these would root out the bitterness and negativity or self deprecation and replace it with a good attitude, a happy heart, and person that is so wonderfully whole and complete that people flock to them, want to be around them and want what they have. But what they have can be anyone's if we would only choose it!
If we first chose to change our attitude we would come to find that we naturally WANT to get in better shape and when we see ourselves the way God sees us the gym membership is not for looks or our own skewed view of wanting to fit in- it's because we want to be healthy! We want to treat our body like a temple of the Holy Spirit and take caution to what we allow in it; making sure to keep in good shape for longevity and the ability to sustain a busy and consistently active life in blessing and serving our family and others. Fitness becomes exciting because we see how God made us to function and fall in love with the endorphin rush! It frees our mind from guilt and gives energy that surges throughout the rest of the day. Fitness is an incredible goal- but not because someone judged you- because God made your body to do incredible things and once you decide and know that- then you can really soar getting in shape and finding an activity you're crazy about!
When we look around at the chaos in our life and decide we need to get more organized- it takes action to take control of our home and rearrange it. We have to commit to small daily activities that will change small things but eventually our habits will form and we will naturally reorganize things until we find a working function for our life. An example from my own life; when we were first married we moved into a nice three bedroom house. I had NO idea how to keep that HUGE house clean! It was so difficult to find a rhythm and seemed to me that it took all day just to get one thing done. Now, after each addition of a new child I have actually become much more efficient at keeping my home clean and organized and am actually the most organized now than ever! It seems backwards, because we all know i have NO time now- but had all the time in the day before Lucy was born. But now my life requires a bit of routine and so slowly the new habits began to form as i changed my attitude and forced myself to do more chores regularly until my natural instinct is now to be actively doing something all the time. Not that it's healthy to be a Martha- especially not replacing Jesus, spouse, or children! But it is necessary, as in Proverbs 31 to be a wife of noble character, to find a way to get all of our chores done and spend quality time with each member of our family! It is possible, just choose to do one extra thing each day- write out a calendar you can see and check off the days you've done the assigned chores, that way you can see that you're getting better! Also, listen to something inspiring while doing your chores, a sermon, an inspirational book on CD or audio, something that is positive and uplifting. If you are a stay at home mom, your home is your ministry so accept your failures and find simple solutions for them; for example I LOVE the kids toys to be organized but some days they get out EVERY toy and it would take me hours to put them away where i like- so i have a toy cube wall with colored baskets and the kids and I just put them away in the baskets and slide them into their slots- that way the toys are put away but also look nice and organized even when they are not. I also sometimes take toys out if they're getting overwhelming and rotate them back in another time.
Ladies, I do want to touch on something I hear from women and even men a lot. Often when we have kids we start wearing sweats all the time and not showering till late, not wearing makeup, and "letting ourselves go." I remember before Bryce and I got married this was his biggest concern with me, that i would have children and just get frumpy like most moms. I hear women say all the time that they don't know why their husband isn't interested in them after a few years- but honestly I wonder what they have tried. Men are visual, they want to look at you and be instantly amazed at your beauty- but it's quite difficult when we take no care for ourselves or their feelings. I think this puts a large rift in the marriage because a man cannot find a way to ask for this to change, and the wife is so sensitive she gets hurt and angry if he does find a way.
We have always tried to keep communication open and gentle enough that if a suggestion was made this way we could gracefully listen and try to change it. We are committed to the same person for our whole life- but if we wish to maintain the same level of excitement, attraction, and desire that our husbands seek after our hearts to win them every day, we REALLY need to step up our game! He needs to KNOW we love him, we need to BE captivating! He can't continually be visually captivated by a woman in sweats and an oversized t shirt without even clean hair- we really cannot expect a man to "love us as we are" if we cannot love ourselves enough to see the importance of taking care of ourselves.
Is this making sense? By no means am I trying to place the importance solely on our looks, I do not believe this and I certainly don't think it is what makes us beautiful. It is honor for him, self respect, joy and kindness all wrapped up in keeping ourselves a beautiful package for him to unwrap. Aiding in keeping our husbands eyes solely on US not on the women of our culture who are taught to flaunt it all and virtually be naked on commercials and billboards. If we want our men to focus on us and struggle LESS in this area we need to accept the responsibility to step it up and take care of our bodies- exercise, eat right, get dressed up sometimes, be excited and happy and all those things he fell in love with. You can have his attention back- you just have to get to working for it! We cannot choose how they act toward us, or what they say if they need us to try a little harder, but we can control how we react and make a "resolution" to step it up and be the best we can because our spouses deserve it. Sometimes, with a brand new baby, this meant i got dressed and put makeup on and nice clothes five minutes before he walked in the door- but still it was done :).
I hope you are encouraged and hear my heart, we are all heavenly created and beautiful, we have the power to change our WHOLE year just by changing out attitude about it and becoming determined to have a joyful attitude through every rough spot we hit this year- because we all know every year has them!
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deut. 31:6
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