Due

Honestly I never thought I'd have anything in common with most women that go all the way up to, and beyond their due date with pregnancy. Especially on my FOURTH baby! I guess that just goes to show you, there's NO predicting these things!

I have dreamed about this "Perfect birth" for years, since Lucy was born. Each of my children seemed to be born surrounded by some sort of unexpected hiccup that interrupted a peaceful and relaxed birth experience.

Two days before Lucy entered the world at 37 1/2 weeks, the Dr. discovered she had an arrhythmia and sent me to a larger facility two hours away to a specialist to be sure she could be delivered at our small, NICU-free hospital. As the specialist determined her heart would get back to a normal beat once it separated from the placenta, he assured me she could be born at our small hospital just fine.
I went into labor that night and she was born 12 hours later. She had to be hooked up to tiny stickers for EKG's and such regularly, but, as predicted, within a couple weeks her heart resolved back to a perfect beat and she has been great since!
Brynlee refused to turn around and sucked her butt way down in the birth canal and her head straight up in my ribs. She was called "complete breech" with her little legs crossed Indian style. Ultrasound confirmed at 35 weeks that her fluid was quite low preventing her from turning or being manually turned. I began going in for stress tests every two days to be sure she was still doing well. Finally, knowing C-section was inevitable (Dr.'s in rural areas are so rarely trained for natural breech birth these days, though it is still common with midwives!) we scheduled it the day before she would be 37 weeks. She came out just fine, and though this birth came with many many tears and emotional scarring from being separated from her for hours, we came through great and healed well.
Avery, being that I became pregnant when Brynlee was just 7 months old, followed her c-section by only 15 months. Because of this every Dr. i sought refused to consent to a trial of labor after a c-section. I began to research and pull together every resource i could to fight it, but it came down to signing a paper refusing to follow the medical opinion of my physician and trying for a natural delivery anyway. It was rough, I was not treated very well and heard some of the worst, most hurtful things I can imagine from these women who were supposed to be caring for us. Because of such treatment I went through labor at home with a very close nurse friend keeping an eye on my progress for 30 hours before I was dilated to an 8 and we drove the hour and 15 nminutes at night, having contractions, through the mountain to deliver her. I arrived and of course labor slowed for a while, i was hooked to monitors and IV's, restricted from eating, told ridiculous things about being a terrible mother (don't get me started on the risk of abruption vs. c section complications) and finally, with no intervention besides my water being broken, Avery was born 5 hours after arriving. Perfectly healthy and beautiful, not a single tear or scar trouble. Fight for what you want, the "once a c section always a c section" rule is absurd, this is YOUR body you can choose not to do it!

Anyway, when I found I was pregnant this time I started to look for a midwife, assuming I would likely still have the baby in a birth center or hospital, I just wanted someone who might care more for me and not treat me terrible. I wanted someone who would listen to me, someone who had had children unmedicated and brought into the world naturally like i so badly wanted. I found Deidre, and I have just fallen in love with her! She LOVES my family and my story and she has so invested in me. I get to be loved on by three of them out of the office, Deidre, Cynthia and Andrea and each appointment they pray for me, they are empathetic to how I'm feeling and they've come to my house to check on me. They text with me and encourage me, and they support the decisions i feel are right for my family. As I studied more I decided I really wanted to try for a home birth, so that we could transition quickly and easily back to family life. I had loved laboring almost completely at home with Avery, and the idea of no one to intervene, check my stats, bother me about vaccinations, and try to convince me i needed a "purple crying" class in order to be released after two nighs, I decided a home birth was the right choice for us. Especially after watching "the business of being born!" It really helped my decision be simple! What a dream, I am literally ecstatic that I will be welcoming my baby into our warm loving home, surrounded by pictures of their dad and I on our wedding, their big sisters playing, and sounds of home. I am so glad that I will KNOW everyone in my room well before the birth, and that my baby will come into the world as God intended, without harsh lighting, without shouting and poking and people totally disregarding me and whisking away my new baby.

Thus, my point in writing is really a speech to myself, reminding myself of what I've wanted and that it will be coming soon. I have had regular contractions for the last four weeks, making getting to this point so difficult for me. I know I cannot complain as so many women desperately wish to be pregnant and cannot, or some who have difficult painful pregnancies. The Lord has designed this babies' arrival just as He did the others and I am reminding myself to focus in on what the Lord is doing here and trusting that He has a reason and a plan for this baby. I am so grateful I have not ended up in a hospital, or had to give up my dream and consent to induction. I know that this baby is being perfected and readied for such a time as this. But I must tell you, this point has been reached with many tears and heartache as I've truly been pregnant since January (miscarried in Feb. and within days was pregnant again) and if you know me you know that my body does not handle pregnancy very well. I know I face some fears bringing this baby into the world following miscarriage, knowing this will be my last baby, and my girls being so ready to meet this baby and adjust to mommy taking care of a new baby. There is much anxiety among my girls, and I am ready to show them that we will be okay, our baby will fit right in, and mommy will love all four :)

If you've taken the time to read this, thank you for investing in our lives, I know sometimes reading through these things can be grueling, I usually love to write encouraging words and lessons, but honestly the lesson right now for me is to stop focusing on what I want and focus on the blessing the Lord is creating in me, and choosing excitement over anxiety.

This birth will be beautiful, thank you for your prayers over us!