Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Home bout "one who balances the world" can we change it?

If you don't have kids, you're seriously missing out on some incredible entertainment! Albeit expensive, it is fascinating to watch how quickly a child can demolish the order you may have assumed you could keep. I've decided it doesn't matter how many times i say "please excuse the mess" my company will probably never know that i had it spotless THAT morning, but two busy little ones later it looks like a hurricane came through. We call her Brynlee;)
I know a lot of people think being a "home maker" sounds like you sit around eating ice cream and gaining weight (only once a week) while your kids run around screaming and you yell at them to shut up while the you watch Law and Order. I promise, this is NOT what happens! Well i suppose those people may be out there, but if you want to stay sane and spend time teaching your kids and keeping your home clean you actually don't get more than five minutes to sit the whole day! I know i had more time to sit working at the bank than i do here. Between keeping accounts balanced, paying bills, checking the mail, doing the dishes and laundry (neither EVER end) cleaning up toys, feeding three children and sometimes i catch a meal a day, keeping groceries in the house and attempting to teach my kids a little "school" I barely have time to breathe! I honestly think breastfeeding allows me those few minutes where i have to say no, though i have at times been known to do this walking around and feeding other kids, pulling them out of high chairs one armed- come on don't pretend you wouldn't do this! If you can't believe what i'm saying, you must be the mother of only one child. When there are two or more, well then i'd like to see how well it works for you:)
I spend the day listening to stories of the ball, random naming of animals that all end in "Eni" like Seni, eni, lenny... And her valentine balloon named "ballelini" whom i have to tell goodbye and hello six times a minute. During these bouts of fascinating conversation i hear " Mom WHAT is that smell! FLEX you tooted!" yes our dog seems to crop dust every time he turns. Brynlee gets into EVERYTHING. I have caught her three or four times dunking her head into the dog water. Presently she loves to engage in conversation with words that make a tiny bit of sense mixed in with a lot of made up ones. I have to ask her "Do you want to get in trouble?" all the time, to which she answers "Newwww." I went to get a kitchen towel today and she had emptied the entire drawer onto the floor of their bedroom.
Siblings are interesting, and i'm delighted to get to watch them grow up. But to all of you who think being a "stay at home mom" sounds simple- think again. It may be rewarding, and wonderful, but it's certainly not a job i would describe as "easy!"

Monday, February 13, 2012


After my children being sick many times i've decided... I HATE colds. I mean they may be a minor irritating thing to live with when you're adult but when your kid is sick... It's MISERABLE! I've even said to people " please DON'T bring a cold around Brynlee, I CANNOT handle Bryn sick!" She is seriously the most fun, easy, entertaining child when she's healthy, but when she is sick i honestly feel like sticking tacks in my eyes. She often wakes up hourly screaming, and the snot, ohmygosh i cannot handle snot and that is really the only way a cold has ever manifested in her body- through snot. Day and night she sneezes out huge amounts of it. She sleeps sucking on two fingers with the corner of her blankey under her nose so a snot scenario does NOT work for her, she ends up very angry and inconsolable except by Winnie the Pooh. Lucy, well she's actually very easy to take care of when she's sick. She'll get the same cold as a cough and stuffy nose.
Then there's Bryce. Gotta love the man. He always washes his hands, stays away from everyone, but in some ways he requires more work than the kids :) i say that lovingly and with his knowledge. So we fast forward a bit to this morning. I went to bed feeling great, got woken up at 6 by a text, then at seven by Lucy (whom has recently been opening her door and running into our room) upon waking up a decided someone must have forced acid into my esophagus and smashed my nose so that it is swollen. Luckily- Bryce is already mostly over this same cold, and the girls have not gotten it yet!It seems like i gutted out several daily servings of echinacea and goldenseal (seriously tastes like eating a dandelion weed), chugged Emergen C and bought stock in Ricola only to find that the tickle in the back of my throat decided it would climb up over night and take over. I always wonder why it seems my body doesn't know the rules of war and kinda figure out how to win against these things.
Anyway, I've tried pretty much every over the counter immune booster and germ fighter i can find and it seems none can completely do the job every time ( i really wish they could!)
Again i find myself praying "God PLEASE don't let Brynlee get sick!" Avery seems to be immune to all the junk we've had here since her birth three blessed months ago, Lucy is pretty normal with a cold, but Bryn oh God PLEASE don't let Bryn get sick!
Have you ever known a mom who goes through the baby blues and feels like throwing the baby out the window? It's actually quite common, the blues not the actual throwing of the baby. Well i never understood that feeling until she had her first cold. It's the most helpless yet aggravating feeling! I can't get her to calm down so i often want to stick her outside so that when she comes back inside she might be grateful for my embrace, instead of screaming through it. So I'll continue my plea's with God, hoping for all our sake that she doesn't get sick, if she does you'll be able to tell because i won't have slept but thirty minutes at a time, and my patience will be seriously lacking.

Well, since this sounds like a super complaint, I suppose i should end with some sort of positive inspiring thought. That way you don't leave thinking i'm insane or a terrible mother ;) I suppose my point is this: I, among many, see these situations as dire. Dire in the way that "i need my sleep!" or "I spent $30 on medication for symptoms," not actual life and death.Lately my mindset seems to have changed when it comes to this kind of thing. Don't get me wrong, I feel miserable and i also know that my whining is a little petty and a bit selfish. What I mean is, I have a home with heat, a warm cozy blanket to snuggle under, that $30 bucks for cough drops and meds, healthy food, an incredible husband to help take care of me, three beautiful daughters that are mine to nurture and love-but also do a good job nurturing mommy. I have been incredibly blessed! I can only imagine what a cold would feel like right now if i were homeless. I whine inside my head every time i go out to take out the trash! Which of course is full of wasted elements someone may have been able to use. It is so difficult to break the cycle of using and tossing everything! I can only imagine how a cold feels when you're living outdoors in the rainy cold, how your sleep would be almost impossible, how you'd wish you had a home, or even just that cozy blanket. Sometimes i may not feel rich in the traditional sense, but my life is so rich and blessed! I have a place to call home, and even several backups in case i ever needed to stay somewhere else. My children get to have two parents, which is hard to find these days.
So today, with my cold, I am grateful. I am grateful most for my salvation, that in Jesus i will not endure the miseries of being human forever, and with him I am always secure. I am grateful for my home, for the ability to pay my huge electric bill, for my family being close and settling problems immediately, for the love of so many. I am grateful that i have been given the know how, and the means to bless others, and i intend to do it.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

New direction...

Sometimes i wonder if there should be a limit on all the things i'm passionate about! But then the Lord was passionate about all the same things and even more!
For a few months now i've been praying a lot and feeling a distinct change coming. I know that the Lord has called my little family to huge things, and somehow seeing our life right now as it is is just NOT huge. We are in a season of growing young children, but that does not mean i need to be ineffective! The Lord is bringing me to a new place of challenge. There's been a lot of vision and dreams pouring out of my heart lately and i've been waiting to see how the pieces would fit together.
I don't like to seem like a fearful or worried woman, but i think i come off that way sometimes. I stay tuned into my own little world of consistent routines, and miss the higher mark.
Last night before Bryce left for work he was telling me the most heartbreaking story. I have the unique position as his wife in that his job reveals a whole new level of local heartbreak that i don't like to acknowledge. He knows that he cannot share certain details of crimes, the ones involving children namely, because i CANNOT handle it. But yesterday he was really bent up about a case he'd read. He began to share with me that the parents of an 18 month old boy (same age as our middle girl Bryn) thought he was the devil and so they beat him and left him to wander the streets... This is LOCAL! Not more than twenty miles from here! The parents are in jail and the child was found and taken care of, but it really got me thinking. I can't believe i've stuck my head so deep in the sand that i've missed the hurting and abused souls all around here. It seems that often we start thinking that others chose to get themselves where they are. Even so, no one "deserves" to be treated poorly because they're homeless, no matter how that happened.
My heart breaks easily, which in some ways is a gift from the Lord. I have an intense compassion that makes it so i often cannot sleep or really even cope. That is the thing that terrifies me, being vulnerable enough to feel others heartache so much that i'd rather stay at home with my girls and just enjoy every second i have. Unfortunately that won't teach them of Jesus by example, and it won't show them their mothers heart for the lost. I may not be good at witnessing in the way that my husband is naturally gifted at, but i certainly can serve and bring an element of compassion a lot of people tend to be missing. We see others as needy but somehow getting what they aught to as some sort of sick karma. If i were getting what i aught to i'd certainly not be where i am. Mercy is something we often leave behind in caring for the needy.
It has been on my heart so much so that i have been frozen in thought most of this day thinking of what i can do, what i can start here in this place where i am called to be today, to change the circumstance of someone around me. I've got some incredible ideas brewing, and i'll be updating soon on what those are.
I know that i'm not a perfect mother, but my children are incredibly blessed to be warm and fed, well groomed and clean, clothed in nice things, blessed with an abundance of toys, and most of all they know they are loved not only by me, or even relatives, but by God their creator who loved them enough to send his son to die on a cross. How many children these days are never taught this? How many are taught that life is about you you you, whatever you want, wherever you want to live, no matter the impact on anyone else. Not to mention the purpose in helping others that they miss out on. I don't want my children to see Christmas as presents, Easter as candy and dying eggs, communion as juice and bread, salvation as fire insurance. My children need to know that a Savior named Jesus came to this earth born to an engaged poor couple, born in a stable on dirty hay, wrapped in rags and set into a food trough. This Jesus grew up learning how to build things, speaking to large groups even as a child, blessing events by turning water into wine, touching diseased people with no fear or disgust, approaching those with disabilities as if they had none, because he healed them so they did not. Then, my Jesus died on two wooden posts in front of a bunch of mocking people, so that one day my children could FOLLOW his example and DO what he DID. He died so that they would get to meet their creator, and sing Holy Holy forever and ever.
What will i have to say when I'm called to give an account of my life? Yes Lord, i fed MY family, i clothed MY children, i served MY husband. All of that is important, but will i really have nothing else to say? I better have something to say, because otherwise I've shown God what he was worth to me, what eternity with him was really worth to me. He deserves the glory my sacrifice gives, he is worthy of my life being laid aside as i give whatever i can to serve HIS people, not just those he put in my household.
I know that having shared this that i will be receiving a counter attack before too long, but please keep me accountable to find my own purpose and teach my children HOW much i love Jesus, and guide them to find their own way to do the same.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Today i just felt like blogging about life...
Sometimes i can't believe such big dates in my life are already come and gone... graduation, getting married, the birth of our three beautiful daughters, two of my brothers getting married and starting their own families. It just feels like life passes you by so fast sometimes. I find myself gazing at Avery trying to suck in every breath of her infant stage like my life depends on it. Everytime she coo's from her bassinet i just can't help the smile that takes over my face! That sweet baby reminds me that life happens so fast. I cannot believe that just 3 1/2 years ago I was doing that very thing with my Lucy! And now i find myself taking short breaks from our games to get a little quiet for a moment. Not that her constant chatter and imagination bother me, it's actually that her incredible ideas and games sometimes overstimulate my brain! She can travel around the world in a game, and sometimes " to the center of the earth!" and she always wants one of us to go with her! We've been having weddings, a ball, and a lot of phone calls lately.
A vapor... seriously life really is so short! Sometimes i think on this and just want to run in and wake them up so i don't waste any of my time with them while they're still young. The fact that they desire to spend time with me is so precious i find myself wishing i could just hire a nanny to do all my chores so that i could just PLAY! I don't need help caring for the kids, I'd just have SO much more time to play if someone else did all my housework! :)
Yesterday Bryce and I were joking around about something, and after all these years we've gotten really good at our goofy banter, and he stopped after i said something and held my face and said " i just fell in love with you all over again." I swear i need to pinch myself regularly that i get to live with this man forever! Last week he brought me flowers for no reason, two days later he brought coffee and a bagel home to me, both after working twelve hours. He gets up early to spend time with the Lord and pray for us, he always stays patient and calm, never raising his voice or being angry. He treats our children with respect, disciplines by explaining himself first and teaching them how discipline is out of love. He is the physically strongest man i know and yet can be so gentle. The other day my dad said to me, " He is SUCH a good man. I am so grateful for him as a son and knowing that he is taking care of my girl so incredibly well." What a gift to have him in our lives!
I wonder sometimes what i'd do if something ever happened to him, and i'm really uncertain. I know the Lord has amazing things for us to do yet, but if Bryce went home to heaven before me, I'd try to remember the gift of each day with him. When i get up in the morning I set out to take in everything i can about him, we never stay angry, we always seek to learn from others and each other, we spend quality time finding things we enjoy together, and after five years i still get those same huge butterflies everytime he walks in a room, or i hear his voice, or even just smell his cologne or his skin on a shirt he left for me to wash. Life might be a vapor, but it's one i plan to breathe in as much as i possibly can!