Tuesday, February 7, 2012

New direction...

Sometimes i wonder if there should be a limit on all the things i'm passionate about! But then the Lord was passionate about all the same things and even more!
For a few months now i've been praying a lot and feeling a distinct change coming. I know that the Lord has called my little family to huge things, and somehow seeing our life right now as it is is just NOT huge. We are in a season of growing young children, but that does not mean i need to be ineffective! The Lord is bringing me to a new place of challenge. There's been a lot of vision and dreams pouring out of my heart lately and i've been waiting to see how the pieces would fit together.
I don't like to seem like a fearful or worried woman, but i think i come off that way sometimes. I stay tuned into my own little world of consistent routines, and miss the higher mark.
Last night before Bryce left for work he was telling me the most heartbreaking story. I have the unique position as his wife in that his job reveals a whole new level of local heartbreak that i don't like to acknowledge. He knows that he cannot share certain details of crimes, the ones involving children namely, because i CANNOT handle it. But yesterday he was really bent up about a case he'd read. He began to share with me that the parents of an 18 month old boy (same age as our middle girl Bryn) thought he was the devil and so they beat him and left him to wander the streets... This is LOCAL! Not more than twenty miles from here! The parents are in jail and the child was found and taken care of, but it really got me thinking. I can't believe i've stuck my head so deep in the sand that i've missed the hurting and abused souls all around here. It seems that often we start thinking that others chose to get themselves where they are. Even so, no one "deserves" to be treated poorly because they're homeless, no matter how that happened.
My heart breaks easily, which in some ways is a gift from the Lord. I have an intense compassion that makes it so i often cannot sleep or really even cope. That is the thing that terrifies me, being vulnerable enough to feel others heartache so much that i'd rather stay at home with my girls and just enjoy every second i have. Unfortunately that won't teach them of Jesus by example, and it won't show them their mothers heart for the lost. I may not be good at witnessing in the way that my husband is naturally gifted at, but i certainly can serve and bring an element of compassion a lot of people tend to be missing. We see others as needy but somehow getting what they aught to as some sort of sick karma. If i were getting what i aught to i'd certainly not be where i am. Mercy is something we often leave behind in caring for the needy.
It has been on my heart so much so that i have been frozen in thought most of this day thinking of what i can do, what i can start here in this place where i am called to be today, to change the circumstance of someone around me. I've got some incredible ideas brewing, and i'll be updating soon on what those are.
I know that i'm not a perfect mother, but my children are incredibly blessed to be warm and fed, well groomed and clean, clothed in nice things, blessed with an abundance of toys, and most of all they know they are loved not only by me, or even relatives, but by God their creator who loved them enough to send his son to die on a cross. How many children these days are never taught this? How many are taught that life is about you you you, whatever you want, wherever you want to live, no matter the impact on anyone else. Not to mention the purpose in helping others that they miss out on. I don't want my children to see Christmas as presents, Easter as candy and dying eggs, communion as juice and bread, salvation as fire insurance. My children need to know that a Savior named Jesus came to this earth born to an engaged poor couple, born in a stable on dirty hay, wrapped in rags and set into a food trough. This Jesus grew up learning how to build things, speaking to large groups even as a child, blessing events by turning water into wine, touching diseased people with no fear or disgust, approaching those with disabilities as if they had none, because he healed them so they did not. Then, my Jesus died on two wooden posts in front of a bunch of mocking people, so that one day my children could FOLLOW his example and DO what he DID. He died so that they would get to meet their creator, and sing Holy Holy forever and ever.
What will i have to say when I'm called to give an account of my life? Yes Lord, i fed MY family, i clothed MY children, i served MY husband. All of that is important, but will i really have nothing else to say? I better have something to say, because otherwise I've shown God what he was worth to me, what eternity with him was really worth to me. He deserves the glory my sacrifice gives, he is worthy of my life being laid aside as i give whatever i can to serve HIS people, not just those he put in my household.
I know that having shared this that i will be receiving a counter attack before too long, but please keep me accountable to find my own purpose and teach my children HOW much i love Jesus, and guide them to find their own way to do the same.

1 comment:

  1. Kaylee my precious daughter...the Lord showed me years ago that He spared your life (more than once) for a special reason, a great calling and I am convinced that you are on to something here! We are all opening our eyes and beginning to see much more than we ever did before...actually SEE...never easy but always necessary. You have beautiful thoughts and wisdom to know when to put them into action...