Friday, October 12, 2012
Well the last four weeks have been a blur! As soon as we arrived the crazy began- within a couple of hours. Our little apartment has been under full on remodel and every single day we seem to hit snags. I am proud to say now, however, that our bathroom is FINISHED! For three weeks we had to run across the driveway and into the house if we needed to go, a lot like camping i'd say. Anyway, we're mostly settled into our new little "place" and beginning to imagine what a new routine is going to look like for us. Honestly... As that is good and necessary for me to step out of survival and into normal- I also am beginning to feel swamped by the emotions that i seem to have mostly not processed as of yet. Sometimes i'll just say to myself "i can't believe we just left everyone!" and it hits hard and fast. Yesterday my bestie and sister in law sent me a picture of her and my nieces and i just broke down in tears for quite a while. Just seeing them makes me feel like i could be there and reach out to hug them. Sort of like a tease i suppose. I knew this move would be difficult for us, Lucy has only known nextdoor to my parents as her home. We have spent our entire marriage in that same house, our girls were each taken to that home when they were born. We made a family there and five years of memories. Lucy has been really struggling lately missing her Ami- as they share the same first name they are also kindred spirits. Ami is her very best friend and it is finally starting to hit her that we're staying away. It has been especially difficult because my heart aches much the same as hers and i don't know how to help it heal. Isn't it incredible how the things we're called by God to do are not simple at all? And usually they make no sense to us until years down the road. When Bryce and I got married we had no intention of moving to my hometown, but the doors flung open and we felt like it was the right move. I never intended to stay so many years, but again we knew we were in the right place. Two years ago i began to understand why. It was to reunite my family. My big brother Matt left when i was a senior in high school and has mostly been removed from my life since then- not by choice but because he was airforce and often stationed out of the Country. During that time it was almost as if he were just gone, he was not a part of anything and when he visited he did not adjust well and we all fought the whole two weeks. So in March of 2010 when he and Lindsay married in Florida and moved back to our hometown i was a bit nervous but excited. He didn't know me anymore, and he didnt know much about Bryce or our daughter Lucy either. IT'd been so long since we held a conversation i was terrified to have him back. I also didn't know if i'd like Lindsay- we'd only spent a few emails worth of conversations besides her wedding week and we all know those don't show true character! In the two years since then I have found a best friend and the return of my big brother to his place in the family. I've watched as the Lord changed and molded the hearts of every single member of my family and been amazed that we are so lucky to have all of us together, spending every Sunday together, talking about the Lord- how to give more, serve more, grow more and learn more. Challenging each other and helping each other up. My brothers have matured into the men i always prayed they would, and two of them have met their match- and the blessing of those two friendships is more than i ever imagined! So i believe that time was to reunite, to grow and learn together, and to be in each others presence when we heard the call of the Lord, all together but all differently,as He sent us in new directions. That direction for us was clearly to come here, and as painful as it has been I am ever grateful for the Lords call on our lives and through this move he has walked beside me closer than ever and i have known His favor and His anointing. It's been an unbelievable ride so far and we know the best is yet to come! I am remembering Philippians 4:11 "I am to be content in all situations" and working hard to remember also that i am responsible for my own attitude, whether i choose to be offended or angry and working to keep emotions like those out of my marriage and parenting. What a gift to be under the wings of Jesus- we are flying high knowing that we're at the right place at the right time. For what we are unsure but we trust that it will all work out as it has a thousand times before when we've taken the leap- so here's to something being at the bottom to catch us!