What right do we really have to our feelings?

Oh boy.
This lady has been learning some tough lessons lately.
I'll tell ya, this has been one of the hardest seasons of life I can remember to date. Walking through health challenges with Bryce was no doubt difficult, but this seems to be on a whole new level as we fight daily to accomplish our dreams and passionately pursue God's promise over our lives. We knew it would not be easy, but still daily we can get easily overwhelmed with the upfront cost of dreams.

Today I was so completely caught off guard feeling bad for myself. I could literally make you a huge list of reasons why i was righteously upset, and trust me you would probably get upset right along with me and pump me an air fist of "you didn't deserve that girl!" But what good would that do me? Or you? It definitely would not be encouraging, and it wouldn't help me in dealing with whatever it is I need to deal with. So instead, I warned Bryce of my mood and put my headphones on for some worship music, good old musical conviction right there :)

Grace. Something I have desperately been working toward, a word I feel the Lord gave me to strive toward and believe I can achieve. I'll tell ya, He has certainly put me in a place to HAVE to learn it or be drowned by it!

What right do we really have to our feelings? It seems like our culture encourages us to act on our feelings, to express them. We constantly are building each others feelings up. When we are angry we want someone to express their disgust that we've been treated wrongly and so our feelings get stronger and we may respond back in anger to those that hurt us. What benefit is there to this? There is no benefit for the one hurt, or the one who harmed them, or the friend that encouraged the anger. All it did was serve to make a bad situation worse, or make a situation out of nothing really.

So i find myself contemplating this as I start adding up all the things in my life that I do in unnoticed service for others. The fact I realize is that this is what I am called to do, adding them up doesn't make me have to do less, It just changes the attitude and heart I have about them. They move from service to martyrdom, as though I am looking for great recognition, tears of gratitude, someone else to suddenly do it all for me. None of those are going to happen and even if they did it does not change the fact that I was called to do them, not my husband, my kids or anyone else. Not only that but I rob my family of the blessing from my service when I do it in anger or resentment. No longer do they feel loved and cared for and able to operate in their giftings and go about their day with confidence, now they know I'm upset and ungrateful that I have to serve them. They cannot enjoy the dinner I made, the dishes I washed, or the toys I put away. Bath time becomes rough and impatient as I'm thinking about all the things I have to do for them before bed, instead of a silly bonding time that we can laugh together and they know their mother delights in them.

Again, I ask you, what benefit do your feelings play in your daily life? Are they not for a purpose? As children of God we are not given the right to express and discuss and feel our feelings. It doesn't encourage those around us, it doesn't help anyone to accomplish what they have to or have been called to, it distracts from seeing the gifts from the Lord in each and every day. It wastes so much time!

As soon as my attitude was adjusted, because music is the window to peace for me, and cried out all my self pity, I realized that none of it was the fault of my children or husband, it was my own selfish nature wishing for some attention- and it doesn't deserve any. There is blessing even in suffering, though i don't consider chores necessarily suffering. But sometimes feeling as though you're unappreciated can feel like suffering, and though it is a relevant thing to feel- it definitely benefits no one for us to express or focus on it. The Lord wants to bless us through our willing service, a loving attitude, a desire to help others for nothing in return. He returns in ten fold more than a person could anyway!'

If you're a mama and you've not seen "the invisible woman" look it up on youtube, it's only a few minutes but it really helps to illustrate the reason why we serve our families, we do it for the Lord and because it glorifies Him!

Also checkout the song "Steady my heart" By Kari Jobe, it really helps me adjust my attitude when I just know it's wrong.

Life is hard, we go through seasons of great testing of our faith and those seasons feel heavy and difficult to bear, but the Lord gives them to us as gifts, to gain faith and grace and an understanding of who He is and what He goes through. If we can constantly keep our attitudes in check and see them as gifts, they stop being so much to bear and we begin to walk through them with gladness and joy instead of self pity, doubt and anxiety. He is great, He is loving, and though we feel anything hard should not be from Him- we have the opportunity to grow and He knows we CAN make that choice and He allows us to walk through those things to prove to ourselves that we are strong and we can go through fire. It's worth it guys, you're not alone walking down a hard road, I am feeling a little lost right along with you!